When you...

When you called, I did not know how should I feel.

When you were standing in front of me, I could not believe that it was true.

When you looked into my eyes, I could see my image in your sparkling eyes.

When you smiled, I really wanted to tell you how sweet was your smile.

When you were playing around, I felt confused because I was not sure whether you mean the things that you had said.

When you were talking, I was listening, trying to remember each and every word that you had said.

When you were silent, I doubted, because I could not read your mind.

When you sighed, I felt bad because I did not know what was really bothering you and that I could not help you out.

When you were angry, I smiled through my heart, hoping that it would flush away your anguish.

When you were sad, my ears and shoulders were always at the standby mode and I would give you the warmest hug ever to make you feel better.

When you were serious, I was afraid there was something happened that could change us.

When you were right by my side, I felt so regret that I did not appreciate the moments.

When you were far away from me, I realized that I missed you and I could not tell how much I had been missing you.

When you were always on my mind, I tried to keep myself busy so that I did not have time to think about you.

When you were not beside me, I really hoped that I would always be in your mind, at least once every minute.

Does Love really matter?

Based on the question above, what’s your answer?

I took a long time to think about it, and what’s my answer? You will know soon.

I have seen or heard of many real life stories about relationships. Some did melt my heart, some made me think very hard.

Why do people get into a relationship?

Is it because they love each other?

Or they get into relationships because they do not want to be single?

Maybe it is a must for us to find a life partner and have our own family?

Someone told me that, in a relationship, love is not the issue. When I heard that, I was like… what? Didn’t people get into relationship because they love each other? I was dumbfounded and I thought deeply about what she said. After all, she was not completely wrong. You see, some people get into a relationship then they finally get married, believing that they will live happily ever after. Later on, they have kids and family of their own and so on. But unfortunately, something happened between them. It is sad to say that the feeling of love that they had has vanished. However, they are still living together under one roof, sleeping on the same bed (maybe separate ones), living their own lifestyles, doing whatever they want without caring their another half and only communicate when it comes to the issues of their children. Some of them choose divorce as a solution to this problem. In this case, it has shown that love is not the issue anymore in a relationship but responsibilities.

On the other hand, for the people who are in relationships, of course, they do hope to be together forever. But what if breakups happen? Actually what really cause breakups to happen between couples no matter how long both of them have been together? Is it because they don’t love each other anymore? Or the girl could not stand the bad habits of the guy? Or one of them said they are not meant to be together? Maybe the guy has fallen in love with another girl. There are so many answers to this. Everyone has their own answer. But the question I was thinking is, why love couldn’t remain the same throughout the relationship, hold both of them together tightly and prevent any party to get hurt? I am confused. Love is complicated.

Whatever it is, it is love that brings the two persons together. And I bet everyone that is in love will have great and memorable moments with their loved ones, and will endure every moment no matter it is difficult or easy together.

Actually, it is your choice whether to make love exist between both of you until the end. You yourself have to make effort in it. I believe love is strong and it will conquer all.

Nevertheless, I know that there is love which is everlasting. It is the love from our Father in heaven. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” – John 3:16.

So, does love really matter?

My answer is, yes, it does really matter to me.

Life in the Island

After I ended my national service officially, I was busy checking out in educational fairs. I really did not have a sense of direction at that time and I went to the fairs just because I knew I had to. I did not know where to head to, did not know what things were really about, did not know what course to take, totally in a blur case. I did not really remember how things go but somehow I just signed up for the a-level course in KDU College (don’t ask me why because I did not have a clue how I end up signing up the course. Weird huh?) and I was informed that class is starting in less than a week time when I signed up. I was like… what?! I did not really have a good rest after the national service and there I had to leave again. Sigh. Anyway, the decision made was quite sudden to me but I had no choice.

And so, on the 28^th of March 2009, I was brought to the sort of beautiful island, Penang by my parents and my uncle. After having breakfast with them and bringing me to the hostel to settle things down, they just left because they were in a rush, leaving me alone behind in this new and strange place. Of course, I was kind of afraid as I was a stranger there where I had to start things all over again, and yes, it’s again. And I know nobody there that time. I was totally alone. The first week here was superb hard to get through, it was like I had been here for months although it was only a week. By the way, the studies here was not that easy though.

I still remember for the first few weeks here, I only had Gossip Girl series as my companion. Haha.. ‘They’ were my darlings! I did not know how I could survive here without them at that time. Slowly, I got to know some people here. Indeed, not all the things go well for me at first. There were some problems happening in my hostel. There was theft in the room I was living in. That time I was completely pissed off with what was happening because I’m one of the victims. I put my ass off the other stuffs that did not really concerned about me and which was so effing idiot (I don’t know what other words to use). I’m not minding other people’s business in this house not because I’m selfish or whatsoever but if you knew what actually happened, you would not want to care about it too. So I just be good and same to everyone. And this made me survive until now.

However, I did meet some really good and nice friends here though. Most of them are my classmates. I got really close with them like no others, especially my dears, JNJ (you know who you are =D). I really thank God that I met them here. Life would be not the same without them. After going through up and downs, the happy and the sad moments, the hard and the easy, and instead, everything with them, I have a strong bond and chemistry with them although the time we know each other was not that long. And now, I still could not believe that we will be apart from each other REALLY soon. I hate saying goodbyes. But we are still going to keep in touch right? Anyway, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you girls. You all really made my life here and I would like to apologize if I have done anything wrong or maybe said something that hurts and made you pissed off. Thanks for accepting me for who I am as your friend, thanks for being such wonderful friends, just thanks for everything and lastly, thanks for leaving such a good and beautiful memory in my mind. I will cherish every moments that we spent together. You girls are my besties ever! Muackz!

Tomorrow, 12^th of November 2009, I will be leaving this place. For good? Hmm, I am not so sure about that then, it depends whether things go smoothly or the other way round. I really do hope that everything will go fine. And I realized one thing, time flies without waiting for you, like the flowing river and it will never turn back.

I will just keep the good memories in my mind, throwing all the bad and unhappy ones into the sea. Ann-yeong, Penang and people.

A Night to Remember

Had a great night out Ronald & Tsu Lim, and not forgetting my dears, Nora & Joanne. =)


It's really great to meet this couple here. They are very nice people. Thanks for the sharing of your great love story which I love it so much. Thanks for sharing the story of your life and of course, the treat for our dinner. Haha.. I enjoyed the food very much.


And I sure will miss you guys much when I leave penang. Wish you guys all the best. Can't wait for 111111 to come! LoL.. Don't worry, I will not forget to save 20 cents a day from now. Hahaha..

......

Hey peeps, thanks for the concern. My dad has already discharged from hospital for your information.

After the war between my dad and the sickness, I could sense that he has really change a lot. He is not so close minded, unlike last time. My dad told us that he nearly died when he was admitted to ICU. That's really freaking me out. Thank God that He made things go right and saving my dad's life too.

Anyway, I just left two more papers to go which I only have less than 2 weeks to stay in penang. Woa, time really flies. Seven months pass just like that. I'm sure gonna miss the people there, especially the special ones and the someone. Sigh.

Alright. My next post will be about my life in penang i guess, so please await and i'll be back soon. Gotta go, people. Adios~

It's painful!

Seeing him in the hospital’s green clothing, lying on the bed, hardly to breathe, suffering from terrible headaches most of the time, sweating all over his body, his hands filled with needle holes and with his pale face, my heart aches. It really hurts.

My dad was not feeling well when I was back at home last week. Before I went back to Penang, I told him to consult the doctor if he still not feeling well and I even asked him, would it be dengue fever cause that was the thing that came into my mind based on his situations. But he said he did not think so.

I went back to Penang to sit for my paper and I got to know from my mum that my dad was not feeling well since last week, having fever and headaches. He went to hospital and checked and he was confirmed that he was having dengue fever. But the hospital did not allow him to get admitted to the hospital saying that my dad’s situation was not that serious yet. They made him to go back to the hospital every morning to have blood check. Until the day when I was on my way back home which was last Friday, I got a phone call from my sister saying that my dad had admitted to the hospital. Of course, I was kind of worried.

I thought dengue fever is not that serious but I was wrong when I saw my dad. He was still okay in the first two days, just having fever on and off and having terrible headaches and the doctors asked him to drink more water. But somehow, it got worse. I was so shocked to see him wearing the oxygen mask and saw some machines beside him when we went to visit him yesterday. The doctor told us that water got into his lungs and because of that, he has difficulties in breathing and that’s why he needs the oxygen mask to help him to breathe easier. My heart nearly stopped when I saw his situation and tears were in my eyes. He wrote on the bed telling me that his close friend who passed away last few years came to disturb him and that really scared me. I asked him not to say stupid things.

My auntie who is a nursing sister said that my dad is in a critical stage of dengue fever and asked us to pray more for him. She even asked her church people to pray for my dad. Thanks, auntie. More relatives came to visit him and told us this and that. I was wearing a smile on my face when they were talking to me but deep down in my heart, I ……

My dad has actually gone through quite a number of surgeries compared to a normal people. I still remember for the first time ever he dropped his tears in front of me when I was still in primary school when he had to undergo quite a high risk surgery that would made him could not walk for the rest of his life if the operation was not successful. Thank God the operation was successful. But for now, he is still suffering so much and I just got to know from my sister that my dad has changed to ICU after I went back to the island. My heart aches again. I do not understand why He wants to make him suffers that much.

I have to leave my dad to go back to the island to sit for my exams. I am sorry for not being there for you, dad. I could see my mum was taking good care of him but mum, you have to take care of yourself too, okay? I realized that I did not really go near my dad and do things for him not because I do not care for him but I am afraid that I could not take it when I see him suffering like that.

Daddy, I miss your voice, your jokes (even though it is lame sometimes), your laughters, your stories, etc. So please get well soon and be strong, alright? Home is so quiet and it means nothing without you. Oh Lord, please take away all the sickness from my dad and take good care of him, I beg You, please.

Life

There were so many things running in my mind one night. I was terribly distracted by the things in my mind. My mood was ruined by the thoughts. My eyes were getting heavier. Tears were in my eyes. My heart was as soft as a fine glass, it was almost cracked. I could feel that my whole body was getting weaker, I could not even stand strong on my feet. I felt like trembling down that moment and I was so afraid that I could not hold on anymore. I kept asking myself, what happened?

I bet some of you did experience before the situation above. Neither you nor I could tell the reason why. Did you ever wonder why did u feel like that? Well, maybe that is part of our emo life. As you can see, there are ups and downs in our life. Of course, everyone wants ups in their life more than downs. But sad to know that somewhere in this world, there are people whose life is full of downs. Did you actually know that you can choose whether to have ups or downs in your life? Yes, you can. Your life is in your hand and it is your choice whether to have a good life or not.

Sometimes, the little problem you were facing which you thought that was a big problem was actually a tiny mini problem if you think at a different perspective. Some people even choose to end their one and precious life because of the so called ‘big’ problems they are facing. I am not blaming them but hey, look at the world, there are so many people out there who are struggling to live but they just could not. How sad it is.

Every time when I flip through the newspapers, I could see many news about accidents and tragedies happening which has cause many people losing their life. They did not even have the chance to say goodbye to the world. I could not imagine how the victims’ families would feel especially when they were happily waiting for their loved ones to come back home but they could not make it and would not be able to go back home, forever. I hate to read all these news but sad to say there are news like that every single day and one person is losing their life every single second. Sometimes, I just do not understand, why God allow all these tragedies to happen, why is He making people losing their loved ones? I have no idea why but I am sure He has a good reason for it.

The point is, sometimes when you feel like breaking down, it is not the end of the world but instead, it is the beginning of a new chapter of your life. Whether you want it or not, you are going to learn something new from it. So, appreciate your life please, people. =)

Sorry for being emo anyway. Okay, I have to stop crapping here. Next week is my finals and I should not be blogging, like now. Haha.. I know it is exam period now, so good luck people in your whatever exams and may God bless you guys. I guess I will really be abandoning my blog until my finals end.

Good things always await you at the back.
So please do await for my return. =)

XoXo