Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Again and again

Had business test yesterday and I found myself wrote out of topic when the time was coming to the end. Feaces! (my lecturer said girls can't use the s**t word. lol..) argghh... Shhoooottt!! Darn it!! Oh man!! Oh goodness!!! What else can i use to express my anger huh?

Chill baby chill.. It's not too late to realize anyway. Think on the bright side, you made a mistake so learn from it! Don't repeat it then it will be fine. =) Thanks, soulmate. Hahaha..

I lost my pendrive last week. Oh gosh, notes and pics are all inside! *heartbroken* I wasn't sure that I misplaced it or dropped it anyway but I'm very sure I put it in my bag. I thought it will be gone forever. Btw, I was having a bad bad dream when I was taking a nap after class yesterday. Dreamt of horrible things that I forgot what was it.

Whatever it is, bad things just happened. I'm not going to say in details, just a summary. I found my pendrive and things I lost in my roommate's drawer. She stole my stuffs. I was so afraid I didn't know why. Don't you feel the same if you are living with people like that? It's so insecure. Btw, this is not the first time. Last time was a different person, now another one pulak. Aisshhh!! She asked me not to complain but I think I have no choice. I'm sorry but you should know the consequences if you steal things.

Didn't really sleep well last night + nightmares + troubles = pimples coming out. OH NO!!

I miss my home. Guess I'll be going back this week!!! Can't wait for it!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Obsessed

Derek Charles is a hard working man, employed as a asset manager in a
private company. He is very happy with his beautiful wife, Sharon, and only son, and because of his hard work he just got a huge promotion. But suddenly he gets a temporary worker who is both attractive and smart, and Derek is understandably impressed with her and also finds himself physically drawn to her. However, this new girl is desperate to get close to him - at any cost.

Watched this movie yesterday. A great movie I would say. To me, this movie is even worse than a horror movie. Anyway, had a great time out yesterday. Phew..

Thivyaa is leaving me alone. Gonna miss her lots. I felt so uncomfortable without her beside me when sleeping. No one's gonna quarrel with me, no one's going to wake me up, no one's gonna play masak masak with me. Aikz.. Will be all alone where there's no one i'm close with.


p/s : Keep reminding yourself about the reason why, please.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Hard Time

Well, believe me or not, I really did not do anything for my econs paper. The paper was blank. Instead of handing up the blank paper to my lecturer, I kept the paper to write my notes. hah..

Finally, I have decided to register 2 subjects only for the exam.
I hate to make decision.
So I'm not sure whether I have make the right decision.

Since young, there are so many things that have planned nicely for me. I seldom make decision, usually it's my parents and others who make it and I'll just follow.

This time is different, I have to make my own decision, no one is there to decide for me. When I look back on my past, suddenly I feel so old. So I'm telling myself, hey, you are not a little girl anymore, you have to make your own decision, choose your own way, no relying on others already. Looking back everything that I've done, I'm not sure whether this is all that I want. I don't know. I'm just so lost and confused.

I hate to grow up. I hate to stand out of my comfort zone. Why can't I just be a kid forever, being pampered and loved by parents and everyone else? Yeah, I know I'm talking nonsense. That's impossible. All of us have to grow up.

There's a parents day next month. Wow, can't believe college has parents day also. Well, I think it's for our class only. My lecturer is so worried about us that she has to discuss with the parents. Hard to find a lecturer like that nowadays. So she just called up our parents and inform
ed them about the parents day. For those who couldn't make it, she'll just tell them on the phone.

No exceptions, she called up my parents. I don't know it's unfortunately or fortunately, it was my dad who picked up the phone. I called my parents later at night and asked my dad about what my lecturer has told him. Cause you know, I'm always late for class and was hoping that my lecturer not telling him that. So he told me that he didn't really understand about what she's talking about my studies thingy. Here's the part of the conversation.

" You don't really get what my lecturer tell you about my exam thingy? T
hen I ask her to call you again tomorrow and tell you, okay? "

" No, you don't have to. You know your own situation, I cannot decide for you so you have to think and make decision for yourself ok? And your lecturer told me that you are always late for class and day dream in class. You seems like throwing money in the ocean only. Now that you are a big girl already and you are not here with me, I couldn't control whatever you're doing. So you know yourself okay? I don't want to say much. You should know. And about how many subjects you taking, you decide yourself k? "

"Okay daddy. "


Tears was running down my cheeks when I heard what he sa
id. I didn't want to continue the conversation anymore because I didn't want him to know I was crying. All these while, I always pretend to be strong in front of my parents and also everyone else. I hate to let people know that I'm crying.
By the way, my dad didn't raise his voice. That was so surprised for me. Last time whenever I was late for school, he would start scolding and yelling at me. But this time was totally different, he said it so calmly and he has no intention to scold me at all which made me felt so terrible, extremely terrible. I can hear how disappointed he is. I hate to make my parents sad. You'll never know how bad I felt.

Daddy, you know my weakness. You know I will not listen if you scold me.

I'm sorry to make you sad and disappointed, daddy.
I'm so sorry for not going to class punctually.
I'm so sorry for not paying attention in class.
I'm so sorry for everything that I've done which is not pleasing to you, daddy.
I couldn't promise you anything now but I'll try my very best in doing everything okay?
Same to my mum too.

It's time for me to grow up.
I don't want to let people especially my parents down, again.
At least, don't let yourself down please, Junie.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

when everything goes wrong

I was late for class today, one hour late. wow. It's not that I couldn't wake up, it's because I don't feel like waking up and going to class.

Tomorrow going to have econs test. I have not study, at all, seriously and honestly. Whenever I opened up my notes, nothing gets into my mind at all.

I'm sick of it.
Really sick of it.

Sometimes...
...it is sucks to wear a smile on the face when you feel bad and terrible.
...it is sucks to pretend that everything is okay when it is not okay at all.
...and it's totally sucks when you don't know what is real the problem you are facing where you just feel so terrible.
...I just hate myself for everything.
...I'm tired of being who I am.
Well, it's just sometimes when everything seems like going wrong.

I need a break.
If not I'll really break down.

I hope that I can go to a place,
far far away from here,
where there's no troubles and disturbance.

Well, I just need to cool down and stop thinking or using my brain I guess.

Sometimes, I wonder I'm stressed or maybe, TOO relaxed.
That sounds funny, huh.
No one can give the answer except myself.
But I'm so sorry to say I have no idea at all.

I need a hug.
A big big hug from me to my teddy.
*HuGsSs*
Oops, should be my pillow anyway.
I left my teddy in Ipoh. =(

Miss you, teddy!!

Wish me luck for exam tomorrow. Guess I'll just tembak. Btw, it's not MCQ. I wonder how will I shoot. Maybe a blank sheet will be passed up.
OH NO!!
JUNIE, you are DEAD!!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Wedding Plan?? I'm tagged.

Tagged by Joanne Ooi.

1. How old are you?
18 years old, 3 months and 16 days.

2. Are you single?
Yeah..

3. At what age do you think you'll get married?
I don't think but I want to get married at the age of 26 or at least err... 27? If only I can meet the man who's meant for me in time. Aww...

4. Do you think you'll marry the person you are with now?
I told you I'm single. Duh..

5. If not, who you want to marry?
I want to get married with a man who is... Wait! Did you just ask who I want to marry but not the type of guy I want to get married with? Hmm.. I don't know but God knows. Lol..

6. Who will be your bridesmaid and bestman?
Well, will see if only I can get married. Oh no!

7. Do you want a garden/beach or traditional wedding?
Beach of course! Something like 27 dresses when kevin gets married with ...... Opps.. I forgot her name.

8. Where do you plan to go on a honeymoon?
Bora Bora, the romantic island =)

9. How many guests do you think you'll invite?
I'll invite my family, relatives, my lovely friends, you, she, him, they and etc. Add it up yourself and tell me cause I have no clue at all.

10. Will that include your exes?
Well, by right I should invite them. Will appreciate it if they show up and only if they want to.

11. How many layers of cake do you want?
Hmm.. 3 i guess? Cause I might have difficulties in cutting it if the layers of the cake is more than 3. You know, I'm not that tall. Hahaha..

12. When do you want to get married, morning or evening?
I prefer it to be in the morning cause... You didn't ask the reasons, did you? Then I'll keep it to myself. Haha..

13. Name the song/tune you'd like to play at your wedding.
A lot. The Wedding by Julie Rogers, Love of my life(the Wedding Song), When I fall in love by Celine Dion and Julio Iglesias, Endless Love by Diana Ross and Lionel Richie, 选择 - 林子祥与叶倩文, You Only Love, Saranghamnida & 소원, 사랑아 울지마 by TVXQ and etc etc.. oh goodness.. There are too many wonderful and meaningful songs that I'd like to play at my wedding. Hees..

14. Do you prefer fine dining or just normal spoon and fork? Knife?
I prefer fine dining.

15. Champagne or red wine?
Champagne AND red wine. Maybe Heineken? Just joking, haha..

16. Honeymoon right after wedding or days after the wedding?
Days after the wedding of course! Right after the wedding will be too exhausted. I want to enjoy and relax, I mean really enjoy and relax with my future partner after everything we have gone through where there is no disturbance, at all. Not even a phone call, please, except for emergencies. =P

17. Money or household items?
Hmm... How about money AND household items? I need them both in my new family in the future.

18. How many kids would you like to have?
3! For sure. Hehe..

19. Will you record your honeymoon in DVD/CD?
I guess I will. But don't you hope to see the full part of my honeymoon! HAHA...

19.1. Baju kahwin kaler?
White, duh..

19.2. Kad kahwin?
Planned to design on our own since I was young. Ahaha.. I don't really like the red red colour one. Lol..

19.3. Wedding gift?
I'm still thinking about it actually. I want my guests to have a memorable one. (Like I'm really getting married next week, haha!)

19.4. Camera man?
Hope to have one of our good friends to be, of course he or she gotta be pro sikit la. Wedding pictures are very meaningful. I want to have them nice, really nice. =) Come on, don't say i'm leceh, it's only once in a life time, ok?? Lol..

20. Whose wedding plan you would like to know next?
Haha.. Everyone if possible. Only if you would like to share. I didn't force you to do so, ok? Lol..

Marriage is the most wonderful and meaningful thing that can happened in our life.
There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage. ~Martin Luther
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. ~Max Kauffman
The highest happiness on earth is marriage. ~William Lyon Phelps
Honestly, I couldn't wait for my day to come. =D Please don't ask me why.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Sick

Having a bad flu for days.
Eyes are terribly tired.
Headache is on the way.
What will be the next?
Oh no.. please..
Don't tell me I'm getting sick.
Cause I don't wanna get sick.
Nobody wants to get sick.

Gotta go back to the place where I actually should be which is a complicated place to be in. Moving out from J's place today. Have been living there for a month.

Dear Joanne,

Sweetie, thanks so much for keeping me. Hehe.. Will miss the time we stayed together. Peanut butter, mi sedaap, yiruma, late for class together and etc. Haha.. I'm sorry if I brought to you troubles. So see ya in college.

Love,
Little J. (haha!)

Can't wait for September to arrive. Going to move out from the place and of course, trials will be there also. Oh goodness! I don't have enough time for everything.

Couldn't go home during weekneds now. Have the pengajian malaysia thingy on saturdays. 4 hours class! Darn it. I guess I'll be falling asleep in class.

Have a nice weekend, people.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

L.O.V.E.


Sometimes I wonder what is love.

I still remember the times when I quarreled with my parents. I didn’t talk to them for months after we quarreled. Not only once, but a few times. Can you imagine how hard it was? It was years ago. That time, I hate to be in the family, because I felt that they don’t love me as they love the other two of my sisters. I hate it because I always didn’t get what I want. I hate it because they gave me no freedom. I hate it because they didn’t give me privacy at all. There were so many thousand reasons that time and I hardly could remember now. I could see how sad they were when I didn’t talk to them. I was going through a hard time too. After some time, I thought to myself, what will I get if I continue to be like that? I got nothing but only suffer. Somehow, I realized that they cared so much, it’s because they love me. From all the ups and downs I’ve gone through, I know what is love, love for a daughter from her beloved parents.

Years ago, I liked a boy and after some time, we were in a relationship. Slowly, I felt in love with him. We had gone through many things in a short time, happy moments and sad moments of course. I did lots of things that I never have done before and for the first time in my life just for him. I thought we could make it but we didn’t. I didn’t blame him for that. Maybe we are not meant to be together. But I had learnt many things from it. And he was the first guy that made me know what is love, love in a relationship.

Slowly, I realized that I’m in love when I’m exploring my life. I’m in love with my parents, in love with my sisters, in love with my bitches and friends!!

I was once didn’t know what is love.

Thanks to my daddy and mummy for giving me a chance to experience the love.

Thanks to my ex because he made me know what love really is although it did hurt.

Thanks to my bitches because they made me know there is true love in friendship.

Thanks to everyone else for loving me and giving me a chance to love you too!

Now I know what it is.

I am not going to search for love since love is all around me.

I don’t need the special one now since I am not ready for it.

I still can stand by my own because of the love around supported me.

However, I still can’t explain l.o.v.e. in words but I know it deep down in my heart.

The only thing I can say is :

“Love is not love until someone receives it.”


Monday, July 6, 2009

Super short weekend

Back to the small island, again and i realized the weekend was just so short! Back at home on friday, sleep one night, then next day it's a saturday, busy the whole day, sleep one night again then when i wake up, it's time for me to leave. It's not enough for me. Awww.. But can't wait for this coming weekend cause i'm going home again!! Weee..

Happy things happened last weekend :
1. Got to see my family.
2. Got to eat my aunt's cooking. *yummy*
3. Got a new phone. finally..

Unhappy things happened last weekend :
1. Was not able to get my laptop back! Ish..
2. Didn't get to eat mashed potatoes made by my sis cause she's angry with me. =/
3. Gotta leave home.
4. Sat in the train for hours - humid & tired!

Woke up late today, therefore late for class again. Aikz.. Freaking tired!
Class starting at 8am tomorrow. What? Hope that i can wake up.
Law test tomorrow! Oh gosh. Wish me luck!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Fed up

I'm fed up with some of the people here who's unkind, fed up with some of the service in the college, fed up with the place i'm living, fed up with my studies, fed up with myself sometimes. Oh God, seems like i'm fed up with everything! Goodness, i just can't believe it. But thank god there are some here who made my day, listen to my craps, get crazy together, chat together, bla bla bla. I don't have to mention your name, you know who you are, and i love you people esp you bitches! *HugXx* & *MuaXx* Thanks! Haha..
Going home this weekend! Weee.. can't wait till that day. I'm nearly broke anyway. Haha.. Finally my darling is discharged from its hospital! Oh goodness, can't wait to see him. Haha.. Have been missing him lots, man!
Oh god, tomorrow is business exam, the day after tomorrow is law test. ArrGghHhHH!! I hardly can take in anymore. Everything is so hard for me to understand! Oh no! But by hook or by crook, i have to and it's a must for me to pass because i don't have any choice.
Btw, look at your calender, today's the 1st of July. Nothing's special, it's just a normal and bad day for me but hey, half a year has already past!! Can you believe it? Time really flies! Crap, i don't have enough time for everything! Sometimes i hope there's 36 hours a day. Don't ask me why is it 36 hours but not 48 hours.
OUT I GO!!