Friday, December 31, 2010

Goodbye twentyten

I had a very different christmas this year. Was involved in a christmas drama in church. There were lots of practices which made me so tired and worned out but till the end, it was all worth it. Thanks to all the people that was involved in the drama.
You guys made this christmas a special and memorable one to me although the process was tiring and not easy. Thanks and I miss all of you!!

Looking at the calendar, do you realize today is the last day of twenty ten? How time flies.
In less than 8 hours, the year of 2010 is ending. Get ready to say hi to twenty eleven, people.
I still remember clearly what happened last christmas and now, another year of christmas has passed. I have gone through and learn a lot in 2010, ups and downs, straight and crooked ones.

It is time for new year resolutions. I am looking forward to 2011.
Time to have some new kind of life.

Happy Blessed New Year people!



xOXo




Sunday, December 19, 2010

Merry Christmas =)

Anyway, I found my christmas song for the year.
Fell in love with 'Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas' by David Archuleta and Charice Pempengco when I heard it through the radio.

I really wanted to put it in my blog but too bad I could not find any clean version of this song. Most of it is either singing live or the video is blocked by this country because of copyrights problem. Gahh.. So I had no choice and chose the version by Christina Aguilera.
Enjoy the christmas songs!

Oh, christmas is in less than a week time.

Merry merry Christmas people!


I seriously hope, you all will enjoy this Christmas like never before.
And after that, it is time to say goodbye to twenty ten.
Sigh, how time flies.



xoxo

Wake up please?

I could not really remember what was the cause of it.
All I remember was, words that came out from your mouth hurts.
Now we barely even talk, maybe there is nothing much for us to talk now.
I wish nothing happened and we could still get along like we used to be.
But I know, it is a little too late now. We could never be the same again.
Please look at yourself to see how you have behaved all these time.
Think properly before you open your mouth.
I do not want to see people get hurt from what you say again.
And please be aware of how you express your words.

Now, I do not want to give a hoot anymore and I do not wanna care.
The more I do, the more I get disappointed.
I hope you will wake up one day and move on to be a better one.
I am not going to mention again and so a full stop is needed here.



p.s : Christmas is just around the corner!


p.p.s : Btw, it is my 100th post. :D



xOXo



Saturday, December 4, 2010

Jingle bells!


Can you hear the bells?

Yes, that means christmas is coming!


If you go to any shopping malls, boutiques, all those public places, you can feel that christmas is near! :D Christmas decorations, christmas trees, santa claus and not forgetting all those christmas songs gave people a christmas feeling which actually feel nice for me.




Christmas. It makes me think of many things. Some just came naturally into my mind when I heard some familiar songs. Different people came into my mind and I had different feelings. Maybe it is because I had different christmas every year with different people in different situations.

I actually kinda miss the feeling of christmas that I had few years back and I know I could not find the feeling back anymore. The only thing I could do is to cherish the wonderful moments that I had. But I will still look forward to the coming christmas, next year's, next next year's and so on.
Anyway, I hope I will have a different one some year,
a special one which I always wanted it to be. :)


And yea, I am so affected by those 'familiar' songs, mentally and emotionally.


Christmas, isn't christmas till it happens in your heart.
Somewhere deep inside you, is where christmas really starts.



p.s : Thank you for the best christmas I had so far.




xOXo






Friday, December 3, 2010

Just a short update

Had been busy working lately, working over time till around 7pm these two days. It is a bit tiring and sickening at times. Who does not want to go home early after a long and tiring day at work?

And I got sick few days ago. Fever, swollen eyes, flu, slight sore throat, cough, all came to me one by one. But I am recovering, just had blocked nose at times and still coughing my lungs out so far. *COUGH COUGH COUGH*

Just a short update from me. It is time to get some sleep anyway, if not I am not going to get any better and my dark circles is going to be worse. Oh dearrr.




p.s : Don't stop it, will you?



xOXo



.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Promises

I was wondering... Do you still remember what you promised? Well, I did not forget the time when you asked me the question and I happily answered, 'Yeah, sure! Why not? I would love to!'.

I was happy when I received your first text which I never expect. We just had a short chat but to me, it means that you thought about me. And... I would like to know you more.

Maybe that was not a promise. I just thought that it was and then only I realized that I was wrong. And do you know that I was waiting for your call? It is okay if you do not know, cause I am used to waiting. I hope I was not 100% wrong.



Promises. It is easy to promise but it is extremely difficult to perform for most of us. The promisor tends to forget what they promise but the promisee could hardly forget the promise made by the promisor. I would not say that I fulfill all the promises that I made but I tried my very best to perform all that I promised. No one likes people who breaks promises. But for those who keep promises, I really appreciate it. And I am challenging myself not to break any promises because I know that people would be hurt if I do. I rather I am the one to be hurt than hurting anyone else. I am not boasting or whatsoever, and if you want to think it that way, I don't give a hoot.



p.s : This is really a random post.

p.p.s : From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for those who keep their promises. You know who you are. :)

p.s.p.s : I got my blog a new song (I love it!) and a new look but did not have the patience to make it better.



xOXo

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Because Tomorrow Comes

See how the gently fallen snow melts in my hand.
Disappearing until nothing is left... like it was never there.


Doesn't it seem like the most important things are the most fragile one?
We can't hold onto them, they just drift away quietly.

In a corner of the universe, far far away, the two of us met by chance.
This feeling, I want to call it a miracle. And I want you alone to know.

But I'm not good at saying what I really want to say.
Wandering, searching... That's how I've lived.
Now I think I've found my one and only light.
But if I try to pursue it, it will only run away.
The future is so undecided.

While stopping along the way over and over again, we've shared smiles and tears alike.
You and I have made this journey. And that's the only truth of which I am certain.

When the rain falls, I'll be the umbrella that covers you.
When the wind blows, I'll be the wall that shields you.
And how deep the dark of the night is, tomorrow will surely come.



The flowers that bloom in spring, and the sandy beaches of summer.
An autumn evening and a sunny spot in the winter.
Although many seasons come and go, our prayer will transcend even in time and space.

Far away, in a corner of the universe.
Far away, I think about you.

I want to tell only you...
that tomorrow will surely come.



Tears dropped on the letter when she read what he wrote for her. All the memories they had was flashing in her mind. She whispered to herself, 'It is a miracle.. but why don't miracles happen again?'. She couldn't do anything but cried even harder, because she knew that there is no more tomorrow for him and for them. But she knew she has to live on for him because tomorrow comes - those were the last words that he told her.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Hold my hands

I am feeling insecure and having nightmares just made me feel tired all day. And yea, I am afraid. Do not ask me what I am afraid of, cause there are just too many things for me to think about it. Gahh, mixed feelings. Well, maybe not that many, just one or two for now.

Somehow, only at this time, when I feel down, feel so hopeless, restless, I thought of Him.
And I feel so bad about it. I am sorry.

I am afraid to walk alone along this journey. Would You please hold my hand, and walk beside me? I need You to be with me so that I will feel secure and know that You will be there to hold me whenever I fall.



Here, I ask for Your forgiveness and one more thing, bring me back to You. This is what I ask for.



xOXo





Saturday, November 6, 2010

An unforgettable day


I have changed the song. Oh well, this song makes me happy without any reason. Ah, I feel good and young listening to this song, I mean younger.
(I am not old at all, LOL)
This song is from SHINee anyway, maybe this is the reason I feel young. XD

It is an OST, from a new korean short drama, Haru. U-know and Kimbum are in the drama! Woots! Hot hot!! Big Bang too.
I guess it will be a pretty nice one. :D

Hope the song will make your day. Enjoy!




Oh btw, I finally found what I want without any clues!!



p/s : Actually I have one, which is his voice. :)



xOXo




Monday, November 1, 2010

Right or Wrong?!



Please do not think that you are right, all the time, because you are totally wrong with that.
You might think that others are wrong but it does not prove that you are right and it does not mean that they are wrong. I bet they know what is right and what is wrong, don't ever try to judge for them. Silence does not make them wrong too. They have their own thoughts in their mind, don't you ever worry about it.

Just remember one thing, we are not always right. Try to listen first and never judge too fast.


.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

New world?


Having lots of thoughts, thoughts that I do not even know what they really are.
Everything is just so messed up in my mind.
I don't want them to be in my mind, but they just seem to pop out naturally, without me thinking about them.

And it does not feel good, for being the nice one, all the time.
But it does not feel good either, to be the bad one, even for a minute.
Gahhh, I am so sick of myself.

I am actually tired, tired of everything.
Extremely tired, mentally.

I am not going to care things that I used to care last time.
I think it is time for me to step out of my own world, with my own thoughts and everything.
It is time to take a break and also the time to face the new world.
But I am not ready yet, for a new world.
Maybe I am just too used to my own world.
Or maybe I just need some time, to face the new real world, and to delete my own world.

And I guess, it is just time... to let go, with no regrets.


Thursday, October 14, 2010

Hugs! xoxo

Hugs!


I love hugs!! I love the feeling of hugging people and being hugged.

Hugs are an important expression of affection.. By hugging someone, you remind them that you care about them and support them. Hugs are easy but like we said it's not always easy. To hug you need to be friends or more, then smile at the person and hug them.
And do you know that hugs are the universal medicine?

"Hugging is good medicine. It transfers energy and gives the person hugged an emotional boost. You need four hugs a day for survival, eight for maintenance, and twelve for growth. A hug makes you feel good. The skin is the largest organ we have and it needs a great deal of care. A hug can cover a lot of skin and give the message that you care. It is also a form of communication. It can say things you don't have words for. The nicest thing about a hug is that you usually can't give one without getting one." - Unknown Author

Yeah, the nicest thing about a hug is you cannot give a hug without getting a hug!

Sometimes, in going through bad times, just a hug, it will make you feel much better.




I have a friend from national service, she loves hugs too. She knew I love hugs like she does, so whenever we meet, the first thing we do is hugging each other. Awww.. But sadly, not everyone likes it like that. Some people might feel weird doing so. Well, different people have different thoughts.

I can hug a person real long, if the person I am hugging allows me to do so. Hees.. I feel very safe and secure when I am hugged by my loved one, and oh, I am hugging him at the same time too. :)

And if you argue with your the other half in the future, although you both are very angry, just go in front him/her, and give them a big big hug. A hug is worth a thousand words. I am sure after that, whatever problems it is, will be solved, peacefully.



I would really want to do one thing if I have the chance, which is to stand in the malls or streets with a sign board written 'free hugs' and give hugs to people out there! I know it sounds a bit ridiculous to some people and that it is quite impossible to do this too, in this conservative country with not very open minded people. (Note : I did not mean everyone.)

That is all for now I guess. :D
Ah, I miss hugging wonderful people!


So there goes...



xOXo




Sunday, October 3, 2010

Give thanks :)

Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks unto the Holy One
Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His Son

And now, let the weak say, 'I am strong'
Let the poor say, 'I am rich'
Because of what the Lord has done for us

Give thanks.


Being able to read this, being able to breathe, being able to eat and etc,
you are a fortunate one.

There are people who are blind, but they still give thanks because they can feel and smell.

Those who are handicapped, they give thanks because they are survived in this world and be able to see the beautiful world.

There are people who eat people's leftover food, but they still give thanks because they know there are many people out there who starved to death.

And you know there are many more things that I can say, a never ending list.



In fact, give thanks every moment without complaints, because there are many many unfortunate people out there whom you never know how bad are their conditions.

Just give thanks... it is because we are blessed. :)



xOXo




Thursday, September 30, 2010

Falling in love with a friend

Fell in love with this sweet little song.

If you watch the music video, you can see the sweetness of both the singers. The sweet smiles that they have. :)

And in most of the relationships, they started as friends.

Hope you enjoy the song like I do. :D

Oh, by the way, it is a korean song. :P


[Translation]

Are we friends or are we dating?

These days I’ve been confusing about you, even more about me.

We also watch movies, also go for a walk.

Then I’m telling you the secret deep inside.

Our friendship is something closer than lovers.

But what should I do? I’ve grown so fond of you baby.

Before I know it, everything of you,

I’ve grown fond of everything of you.

Silently, more silently, I will come closer to you.

I like all that you are, like everything.

Even though the words “I love you” aren’t said,

Please just stay with me like this, please promise me, forever.

My heart wants to confess everything like a man.

You’d better catch my heart, you’d better know my heart baby.

The love that is more precious than love.

I want to give my all.

Slowly, more slowly, I will give all my heart.

I like all that you are, like everything.

Even though those words are awkward,

Please be there, sometimes as friends, sometimes as lovers.

“There’s no friendship between boys and girls”

I didn’t believe it back then.

No, even though we become lovers,

We will continue being even better friends.

(I will listen to you)

I will listen to you.

More than the words “I love you”,

We still, with our sweet feelings.

Little by little, starting from today.

I like all that you are, like everything.

Your hands that I took, I won’t let go.

But instead I will be by your side saying “I love you”, forever.



xOXo



When you're smiling

The whole world smiles with you. :)


SMILE

Definition :
1. A facial expression characterized by an upward curving of the corners of the mouth and indicating pleasure, amusement, or derision.
2. A pleasant or favorable disposition or aspect.

It is a simple act, but sometimes takes a lot of effort.

A smile can cause boundaries to melt, hearts to warm up, and distances to reduce.

Smiles improve your appearance. All you need to do is think about how you feel about a person who is frowning and a person who is smiling – who tends to be the better looking?

Smiles make things right again and say much more than words can. If you've goofed, said something less than complimentary, feel lost or alone, or feel down, a smile can set things right again. A smile lets other people know that you're prepared to be open to them, and that you're willingly agreeing to set things right where needed.

Smiles create trust and rapport. A smile is a great way of establishing mutual feelings of being on the same level as others, whether that is one-to-one or in front of a group giving a presentation. A smile says "I'm OK, you're OK, and we're all going to enjoy one another's company".

Smiles make you feel good. Even if you're feeling a little blue, insert happy thoughts into your mind and just add that smile. The smile will trick your mind into feeling better, as endorphins are released to reduce physical or emotional stress.

Smiles make other people feel good. An open-mouthed smile is visible from further away than a frown, offering people reassurance that you're friendly. And it makes people feel better to see a smile, from afar or close up.

Smiling is a good long-term predictor of happier life outcomes. Smiling attracts health, happiness, friends, success, and a longer life.



A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. - Charles Gordy

However, a fake smile can make you look phony, nervous, or even dangerous, so don't just try to put on a smile without first practising or putting yourself in a happy state of mind.

Back to myself, I realized nowadays, I tend to smile very often when I am alone. It may sound silly and funny, but I just could not stop myself from smiling every time I think about the happy moments that I had and about to have. :D And I always get caught by my parents when I smile facing the laptop. They would find a lot of stuffs and talk about it which is offending sometimes and were thinking that I am eccentric. They think too much! Well, it is normal to smile when you are in an interesting or funny conversation with people or even read something funny and ridiculous. I am not going to care what they say but continue smiling or laughing like a crazy fella in front of the screen. And I think they will get used to it after some time. :P

I was not very confident in smiling last time, cut it short, I did not know how to smile. But I received compliments from some people saying that my smile is sweet, beautiful and etc. Wait! I am not boasting about it or whatever. I did not believe them at first because I always thought that I did not know how to smile. Slowly, I realized that you do not have to learn to smile cause it just come naturally and without you realizing sometimes. Not only mine but everybody's smile is equally sweet and beautiful! As long as you smile from the bottom of your heart. :D

When you smile, you will tend to forget all the bad things happening around you. I learn to smile during hard times and it works.
It is true. Try it. :)

Those who frowns most of the time, should start to learn smiling! :D

Keep smiling and brightens the day of the people around you!

And when you are smiling, the whole world smiles with you.


:D

xOXo



p/s : I always smile when I think of you, all the time. :D

Monday, September 20, 2010

Little ones

I always get very excited when people talk about marriage, pregnancy and things that related about mum. Yea, I cannot wait for the day I be a mum and I planned to have 3 kids in the future. Many of my friends know about this, some might think that I am insane.

I have a colleague who is pregnant for almost 8 months. She is going to give birth to the baby girl next month and I am so excited about it! I always go near her to feel her big tummy, sometimes I could feel the baby girl boxing and kicking inside her mama’s wound. The feeling that I had that time was so awesome. There is a brand new life in a mother’s womb, waiting to come out to see this beautiful world. Isn’t God wonderful? :)

Few days ago, I watched a video clip which was about a mum giving birth to a baby. It was... scary. I felt like puking at first. I could see a small part of the baby head and I saw the pain on the mama's face, trying so hard to catch some breath and push the baby out from her small vagina. Oh mann, I am gonna faint. Few minutes after that, the mama knew it was time. She took a deep deep breath and push to the hardest she could. Finally, the baby was born. As soon as the baby was pulled out, the doctor quickly place the baby on the mama's abdomen. The tearing mama hold her crying baby on her arm, with her lovely husband at her side and this is the most heart warming and touching part I have ever seen. Out of my control, tears started to roll in my eyes. The mama gave me a feeling of, "no matter how hard and painful in giving birth to my lovely baby, when I heard the first crying sound from him/her, knowing that he/she born healthily, it is all worth it".



But still, some new born babies do not even have the chance to rest on their mamas' chest, to feel the warmth of their mamas' hugs, to feel the love from their parents, etc. Not because they are not healthy, but their cold blooded parents! There are so many baby-dumping cases happening now in Malaysia. Babies that were dumped in bushes, rubbish dumps, in toilet bowls, even in a river and etc. I mean, how on earth do the people have the heart to dump the lovely babies in those places?! Some of the babies were lucky, they managed to survive, but too bad, not all babies were lucky enough. Some newborn babies found dead in bushes, bitten by wild dogs and ended up not in shape. This is really sad.

So, to all the heartless people out there, before you want to have sex, think of the consequences first especially the innocent babies. A baby is a wonderful gift from God, so do not treat them as rubbish, they have the rights to live in this world and deserve a better life.

As for me, I will definitely do my best to give the kids a good life no matter what happens.

They are miracles to the papas and the mamas, and also to this world.

Don't you think so?


xOXo



Monday, September 13, 2010

To Make You Feel My Love

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I can hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
There's no doubt in my mind where you belong
I'd go hungry I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

Ohhh... To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on a rolling sea
Down on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't see nothing like me yet
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
No there's nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love

To make you feel my love...


I am so madly, deeply in love with this song the first time I heard it from James' blog.
There were many singers who sang this song, but I know Kr
is Allen's version would be the best of all. If not, I will not be so in love.
The beautiful sound of the piano and the music, the unique voice of his, brought me to somewhere far, far away from the busy world... somewhere like paradise.
And this song will be included in my wedding
song list. It will be played when everyone is on the dance floor, slow dancing.


Oh yea, in case y
ou do not know, I am a professional in imagination. =)



xOXo




Saturday, September 4, 2010

The Old Diaries

I was facing my laptop that night and my dad suddenly stood beside me, handed me a piece of blank paper and a pen. I looked blankly at him.

"Sign here."
"Huh? Why?" *feeling weird*
"Please tidy up your study table, tomorrow is a holiday right."
"Hehehe. Okay, daddy." *feeling guilty and quickly signed on the paper*

Well, this means that I had agreed to clean up my messy table and if I did not do that, I had breach the contract. And I would not know what will happen if I breach the contract. Oh by the way, I am not a very tidy girl and my dad cares about tidiness a lot, this explains everything.
I finally dragged my lazy body after a nap in the afternoon to my table. I looked at it, hmm, actually it was not that messy. :P I started to clean up and put everything back in places. When I opened my drawer, I saw familiar pictures. It was the front page of my diary, my old diary. There were 3 diaries. I used to have a habit of writing diary last time and it usually only will last for months. Then when I feel like writing again, I would use a new diary and start again.

I stopped what I was doing at first, took out the diaries and started to read it.



3rd January 2005, 10.45pm. Weather : cloudy.
Dear Diary,
I am not happy today. Something bad happened in school. ............

As I was reading page by page, I giggled. I did not know why did I write those ridiculous things in it. I recalled events that I did not even remember it happened especially in lower secondary school. And I knew how rebellious I was last time. Everyone has their rebellious period. :P

I continued reading the second diary, after finishing the first one. When I read it and realized that this was the one that I wrote about the times when I fell in love. I wrote about almost everything that happened and the true feelings that I had. The things we did, the things we said before were flashing in my mind. I could not stop smiling thinking back of what happened even though some were sad, but most of them were sweet and happy of course. :) After reading everything, I realized that I was so crazily in love back then, love that was pure and innocent. I could feel the feelings I had before, feelings that could not described by words. How I wished I could find back the feelings again which I know, is difficult.

All of us are grown up now, and things tend to be different. We think differently, act differently and speak differently. I do not think I can still have love that was pure and innocent in real life, because I am getting matured year by year, so are you. But there is one thing that I believe I can have forever --- true love, which is somewhere out there, waiting for me. :)

Ah, I was so lazy to continue what I was doing, so I just simply stacked up my stuffs and tadaaa! Mission completed! I went back to face my laptop until my dad stood behind my back again, handing me the blank paper with my signature on it, showing me the 'not satisfied' face. I stared at him innocently, and put a wide smile on my face, showing him the 'mission completed' face. =D And so, the night was full of his nags. *yawns* :P


xOXo



Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Angry Daddy

The clinic was so packed early in the morning. People just walk in and out of the clinic, just like a shopping centre. Well, this clinic was a bit extraordinary because it does not sound like a clinic. Usually, the environment of a clinic should be quiet and calm, giving the patients and staffs there a peaceful feeling. But this clinic is like a market, or even worse. Everyone starts to speak louder every time because they could not even hear themselves. Sometimes, it is very hard to stand those environments.

There was this man, carrying in his hands his 1 year old little son to come and consult doctor that morning. The staffs all were busy doing their jobs. Patients sitting in the waiting hall, some with patience and some without patience, waiting their names to be called. I was so busy walking here and there, answering phone calls and did not realize the man was there. I usually will notice if there were babies who came along with their parents, because they are way too adorable for me not to notice them.




After some time, I finally notice the baby boy in his daddy arms whose his daddy was standing in front of the counter there, with an angry expression on his face. He started to make noise, asking why the nurses were not calling his name after asking for a special permission to see the doctor first. He raised his voice till every staff just stopped their work and looked at him. I was one of the staff who had to face his questions since I was at the desk and I did not know what actually happened. He started to scold us and continue saying that, "You don't seem to understand! My boy is a special boy, I can't wake him up once he is asleep!" in a very rude way. He kept repeating the sentence, "You don't seem to understand!" with the finger pointing at us. Normal people would feel very offended. The staffs were so mad for the way of the words that came out of his mouth and the finger pointing action. Everyone thinks he was unreasonable.

After he scolded us, he turned to his baby boy and kissed him on the chubby face before he turned to us and shoot us again. In the mean time, I saw the boy. He has big eyes and he is so adorable, playing with his fist in his mouth, smiling so widely and did not know what was happening around him. And yeah, he is a bit special, in other words, he is a down-syndrome baby. Suddenly, I realized that he acted like an impolite man was to prevent people to look down on his baby boy and also himself for having a down-syndrome baby. What the man was doing was to protect his son from everything that can hurt him. But I did not look down on him and his son, so did the other people.

Well, the truth was, the nurses did call his name, for a few times. There were no answer because the daddy was at outside of the clinic, carrying the crying baby. He did not want the cries of his boy to fill the clinic which would make everyone pay more attention on them. You know the cries of a baby. But once he came in, he started his unreasonable business which made everyone so mad at him.

I was really mad at him at first, but after seeing how the angry daddy looked into his boy's eyes and kissed him, I was moved, a little. He did not care how he spoiled his image in front of everybody, he did not care how people think about him. All he cares about was the beloved son in his arms.

I forgot how mad I was, and I would not blame him for what he has done, even though he was very rude.
He is a great daddy, that is all I know. =)



xOXo



Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Just that moment

Wonderful moments do not stay forever, even for seconds or a minute. Nobody will know whether it will be the same, or not in the next second. Nothing stays forever, huh. Sometimes, it is just sad to see wonderful moments just happen in that split of a second. But think back, I should be grateful it happened, even though it is just a while. It is because I know, wonderful things do not happen every second, every minute...




It was the moon that caught my attention, it is the moon that I love so much, which brightens up the whole city, the not so bright moon but a romantic one. How I wish, I was at the top of the mountain that time, enjoying the moonlight and the shining stars with my loved one. But the moon that I love changed, changed back to the ordinary one, which is not special to me anymore after a while. I was naif, thought it will still be there, unchanged. After I know that wonderful moments do not stay, it was too late.

And I realize one thing, is that wonderful moments really do stay, even forever, but only in my memories. The moon can still brightens up the dark nights, like the sun brightens up the days but the only difference to me is... the moon is always there with us, no matter it is day or night.



xOXo



Friday, August 20, 2010

Back for Good?

It has been ages since I updated my blog all because of no internet connection and... do not have any inspiration, maybe? Fine, I will cut it short, I am lazy. Laziness can really kill a person's life, future and everything that is related. I hope I can chase it away from me and to be a determined person.

Things got so rocky in my life in the past few weeks. There were so many things undecided and I really did not know where to head to. Only a few know what really happened to me. All I can say is, everything did not go the way they should go and I did not expect that to happen to me. Not only on a particular matter but it is all about work, relationships, friends, studies and other emo stuffs.

Thank God, with the help of few people, things slowly to get resolved one by one, but not all. Still, I am grateful to those who helped me and encouraged me. My future seems to be so blur, but I know I got to move on, since I have chose this path at the very beginning. And I know He has planned everything for me and I shall have faith in Him.

On the other hand, I could feel that I do not belong to somewhere, somewhere that I thought I belong there. This really makes me feel bad sometimes and I am indeed disappointed. Maybe things have changed, you changed, I changed and everyone changed. I really thought of going some other places, where everybody does not know me and start a new foundation. New life brings new hope. :) And I hope I will find somewhere that I really belong to one day.

I need a change in me so badly. I should have said, 'I must and can do...' instead of 'I hope I can...' and I shall do things before anyone asks me to do so. I must learn to be more determined, disciplined and patient. Not forgetting, I can make the word 'lazy' to disappear in my dictionary!

But I just want to let you know that, there is something that will not change, something between you and me. :)



xOXo



Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Problemo me

Sometimes, I really don't feel like giving a hoot on what's happening. I will have the other side of thoughts, thinking what am I going to do next, blah blah blah. But they lived like there's nothing happened and I was wondering what the heck was happening just now. I did not know what and how to response. All I can do is to hide in the box and stay there until I can see the lights. And sometimes, I'm wondering whether the problem is in me. Maybe, it is.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

7 Years of Love.

We met for 7 years.
No one knew we would say goodbye like this so easily.
However we still separated.
With the memories we built for a long time... now gone.
How did we, at such a young age meet each other? I don't even remember how.
It's difficult for us to handle the maps of our changing selves.
They said saying goodbyes are painful but I didn't even have time to feel that.
I just thought this is the way staying composed... But i cried.
Time passed and it gave me a simple yearning, different from what my mind was seeing.
At first friends, then next as lovers.
We said we'd stay as friends even if we separated.

During those 3 years spent alone, we contacted each other sometimes.
Even if I met someone else again, even I loved again,
whenever I was sad I would call you... Without a word, just tears falling.
'You have to meet a good person', I thought in my heart without any words.
I asked if you still liked me.
Without any thoughts hoping you would say it back... I know.

We had the most pure love.
Back then we thought that kind of love couldn't be done again, so we saved it in our memories.
Often, I feel a cold feeling from you.
But now I know you cannot ask anything.
'I'm getting married'...... is what you said to me.
After that, for a long time I was speechless.
Then I cried... they were your last words to me.
For the only words I wanted to hear...


was that you loved me.


Sunday, May 30, 2010

I'm in (L)!

Oh my gosh.
Out of a sudden, I am so so truly madly in love with him.
I never felt this way before!
Hmm, nope. Actually I did but it was ages ago.
Duh, who cares? As long as I love my feeling now.
Yeah, I know it couldn't come true, so what?
I still can dream about it.
Well, girls love to dream, don't we? XD
Awwwww... <3


xOXo



Friday, May 21, 2010

Tell Me Goodbye.

Yes, he is going to tell me goodbye. Isn't he cruel? Telling me goodbye at this time?
Ah, fine. Whatever. I don't care. I don't have a choice. I could not hold him back.
Cause I know, he will be coming back to me soon. But when?
I don't know but I know he will not be leaving long, I guess.
You know I will miss you. You are my everything!
You know I could hardly survive without you by my side.
In this time of being alone, I will abandon my blog for sometime.
Cause without you, I have no inspiration or mood or whatsoever to blog.
It is just so hard to tell you goodbye.
Don't you think it's hard to tell me goodbye too, my dear?
Days will surely be lonely without you.
So, please, don't leave me so long.
I could not afford to lose you.
I will miss you. :(


p/s : Did I mention who he is? .... I think I didn't. Oppps.


xOXo

Monday, May 17, 2010

The edge and the ground


Here I am, standing on an edge of the mountain.
Looking down from here, I am so far from the ground.
I wonder how long it takes for me to reach the ground.
One step forward, I will fall and reach the ground in seconds.
One step backward, I will find my path down the mountain which will take hours or days.
But I am not going to take one step forward or backward.
Cause this is where I am now.
I want to take this time to enjoy the view and the refreshing winds on the edge of the mountain,
to see the creation of God which is so wonderful.
These wonderful creations will not remain here forever.
It is just like the wonderful and happy moments will not remain forever, too.
That is why I am learning to appreciate.


And it's time to get to the ground.
Which way will I take?


xOXo




Sunday, May 16, 2010

The Fact

I never ever thought that it will happen to me.
I did feel a little bad when I got to know that it happened to others.
But I never felt this bad when I knew that it happened to me.

I did not want my feelings to affect others.
In another words, I dislike it.
Therefore I smiled, pretending nothing happened.
And I tried to get myself busy doing things, talking with others,
so that I could have my mind out of that particular matters.
It was tiring, but I could do nothing about it.

Somehow, when the dark arrived, they came back to my mind.
I lied on the bed, looking at the cloudy sky, wondering where were the stars,
and also with the thoughts running in my mind.
My eyes were too heavy till I did not know when did they closed.

And there goes my nightmare again.

*
*
*
*
*


The sun shines and strikes my eyes.
It is time for me to wake up again and say goodbye to my dreamland.
There goes the day time after having breakfast and lunch, maybe a short nap after that.
Then, it is time for dinner and the dark to arrive.
Another brand new day just ended like that.
Here am I lying on the bed, looking at the cloudy sky through the window,
wondering where are the stars and with the thoughts running in my mind, again.


And I guess... it is time to accept the fact,
the fact that will remain secret... for now.


xOXo