Sunday, October 9, 2011

Bygones.

Scrolling down the page of facebook, I saw many statuses. One of them remind me about the past. That makes me recall about those silly stuffs and ridiculous ones I did which I thought that I would never feel regret doing them that time.

I tried to forget about the matters, but sometimes they will strike you back. I wish that there is a delete button in our life, just to delete those stuffs and those people that I wanted to forget.

Oh wells, there are too many things that I feel regret in my life.
But there is nothing much I can do now.
All I can do is just move on and let bygones be bygones.
And also, appreciate what I have now. :)



Everyone has their past and it is just a waste of time thinking about them since we are not living in our past. Present is the life we are living in. :)

Of course, if there are great and happy memories in our past, there is no wrong to think about them and cherish them now and also, in the future.

Time to move on. Bygones are bygones.


Cheers! :D


p.s : Thanks for the memorable memories. :)))


xoxo

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Blah.

All these while, I have been patient, respect everyone, trust those that can be trusted, you know, hoping everything will go fine and the world is at peace.

I dislike being the issue, that is why I tried to stay neutral most of the time.
I dislike making people angry, that is why I tried to make people happy and annoy them in a funny way, so that when they are lonely one day, they will think of the silly me and smile. :)
I dislike explaining sometimes as the truth will just hurt everyone, that is why I said nothing all the time.
I dislike unwanted attention (not the kind of attention you are thinking), that is why I seldom tell others what is in my heart.
I dislike bringing troubles to anyone, even my to my dearest, that is why I always say no no, it is okay, no worries.
I dislike letting others know when I am really sad, that is why when people ask me whether I was okay, I always tell them, I am fine and give a smile on my face, which is not from the heart.
I dislike people judging my statement just like that without knowing the real story, that is why I always tell them in face, know the real story before you judge it.
I dislike people misunderstand me with their own judgments but there is nothing much I can do as that is their own problem, that is why I do not give a damn and go on with my life.

All these are just so so random. Oh, and the new layout with the tomatoes background too. Haha.. I wanted my blog to have a new look but I did not know what to do with it. I was obsessed with tomatoes weeks ago, and so you know what happened when I saw the picture.

It is October now. My final is near, very near. That is the time when I die or live. There are so many things to read up and to do. :( I hope the motivation is in me all the time but it seems like it is leaving, and coming back, leaving and coming back to me again. Can't you just stay in me, pleaseee? I have wasted a lot of time today. Sigh.. I hope this will not happen again.

Time to stay away from the social network, which is hard, but nothing is impossible. :)
But of course, I will visit it occasionally, just to update myself with the things happening around me. Ahh, time really flies huh. And I realize I always say the same thing whenever I update my blog. Hah.


Goodbye for now. :)



p.s : You understand everything but not me, yet.



xoxo

Friday, September 9, 2011

Alone

Standing alone in the 22nd floor balcony, looking at the city, it was like being surrounded by mist. (It is haze actually)
Seeing millions and billions, uncountable drops of rain dropping from the sky to the ground, cool breeze was brushing against my face.
I love the breeze, as always. Love the rain, as it will wash away everything.
And I was thinking... thinking about things that I gone through and going to get through.
I was also thinking, some little matters that made me so sad and disappointed.
And to the extent, where I felt I rather be alone.
I have gone through one small part of my life being alone. Oh wells, that was not really a bad thing.
Besides getting a bit lonely, most of the times, I still enjoyed the time when I was alone, where I do not have to think about others, I do not have to care, I do not give a damn with what others said, nor I will not be affected with what others have done to me.
Oh btw, I am a sensitive person, sentimental too.


I miss being alone.




p.s : I really do.



xOXo

Sunday, August 21, 2011

M.I.A

It seems like I'm missing in action and I've abandoned my blog for centuries.

I could still remember the day which I posted my last blog post - 44 days, since I was in the busy city. But now , it has been almost 4 months since I was here. There are 3 words for this - time really flies.

For those friends who don't know my situation now, I just wanna let you guys know that I'm doing great here. :) Just that assignments are really making me crazy now. Don't really have time for anything else. After assignments will be the time to prepare for my exams. And there goes another year. Again, time really flies.

Can't really write much here, cause I'm just slacking. I still have 2 more assignments to go, one's due date is this coming Wednesday! Ahh, I still have lots to do. :( By hook or by crook, I have to finish up by tomorrow. What? Are you kidding? Geeezz, talk to my hand.

Have to get back to my assignment, if not somebody gonna slit my throat. I really hope it is a more interesting question. Goshh, the one I'm doing now is really dry.

Gotta go peeps, and I will surely come back soon, if I have the time. :P


p.s : Ahhh I miss my 'chingu-chingu'! Especially you. Let's meet up soon. We've a lot to catch up. :P

p.p.s : Everything is changing.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

44 days

It has been a month plus since degree life started.

It is neither long nor short, but tonnes of things happened just in this 44 days.
In some matters, I choose not to care so much, not because I do not care, but it is because I really care. iykwim. All I want is everyone to be happy, simple isn't it? But it is hard sometimes. And I do not think it sounds simple now. Somehow, after going through ups and downs, happiness seems to be arriving. I hope life will be peaceful, without worries, at least for the accommodation thingy. Oh wells, looking at the bright side, the bond seems to be stronger. I am loving that. =) Thanks girls.

In this 44 days, I meet people from all walks of life. There is so many things that I did not know till now. I discovered lots of new things. Experienced things that I never experience before. And I guess this is how stages of life change a person. Changed to better or worse? It depends on the people we are mixing with but of course, it depends a lot more on ourselves.

There are some decisions I have to make, important ones, which is so hard for me to decide. Sometimes, I tell myself, it is just a decision, a yes or a no, left or right. What makes me so hard to decide? I am not afraid of anything but the only thing I am afraid of, is making the wrong decision which will involve other people as well. It is totally fine if it is only me to bare the consequences after making the wrong decision, but not the others to bare it. Gahh, I hate this so much. But in the end, decisions have to be made. I hope I will not choose the path that has dead end.

There are so many things which happened out of our expectations. Enjoy every second of our life and appreciate everyone around us. You will never know what is gonna happen the next second.

I am looking forward to the rising of sun every morning because it is telling me that a brand new day is here again.



p.s : I hope I am ready for it.



xOXo

Friday, April 8, 2011

Whatever

It has been a long long time.
After so long, I thought I have some space to breathe. But somehow, it just seemed like it is never ending. I could not breathe.

I tried to gasp for air. I failed. I tried and tried again.
The result was the same.

Oh wells, I am used to it now, living life failing to gasp for air. No big deal for me. And oh, there is a reason behind why I failed to gasp for air.

By the way, daddy's little girl is going to school again, after for like N years.
New environment, new friends, new housemates, new lecturers, new college, everything is new except... the old me.
The old me that do not feel like talking when I am emo, the old me who like to observe, the old me who will get crazy and noisy, the old me that is... well, there is still a long list to go.

Have been through ups and downs. Erm, down most of the times. I wonder when I will go up again.
Most of the times, it is the small little things that make me feel very disappointed. I mean very very disappointed. There is nothing much I can do. Keep telling myself not to be like that, but it is really hard. I could not control my feelings, I am gonna be so effed up by myself. I could not even say a word when I open my mouth. So forget about it. Keep them all in the safety box, alright girl?

I am just being emotional, again. Blahhh.

Hello blogspot by the way after some time. :P


p.s : It is because the air is not clean anymore.


p.p.s : Whatever.



xOXo

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Update, soooon.

I have so much to think, so much to say, so much to act.
I need some time to figure out everything, figure out what is on my mind.
Oh yeah.
But I do not have much time to say them now.
Yea, I need to figure them out first.
What a messy mind I have.
Gahh.
I need to get things settled, I need to.
I am gonna update myself soon, I hope.

p.s : Love watching the scandal.

p.p.s : I do not want to break my circle.

p.p.p.s : Just ignore me. I am invisible, as always.



xOXo

Monday, February 14, 2011

Dream a little dream of me

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"
Birds singin’ in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me

Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you’ll miss me
While I’m alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I’m longin’ to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me


Yes, dream a little dream of me.



Just a random post. It's a jazzy song btw. I love this song.
Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day!


p.s : It is just another ordinary day to me but it reminds me about something. :)



xOXo

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Think straight

is what I am telling myself to do now.

I tell myself to believe in myself, but I don't.
Now I don't know how much longer I can hold on.
Although the night is long, the sun will rise.
And someday my wound will get well.
I don't have enough confidence to overcome this by myself.
I hope it helps now. I hope God helps me, please.

Don't know what am I saying? It is not your problem.
Just that I have been living in my own world lately. Hah.


Highlight of the day : When I finally decided to cut my hair short and have the guts to go to the saloon, sat down on the chair, took off my glasses, got ready everything, the hairdresser refused to cut my hair. How awesome.



xOXo

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Sound of silence

Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping, Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain,
Still remains, within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone, Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'neath the halo of a street lamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night, and touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw, Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening,
People writing songs, that voices never share.
And no one dared, Disturb the sound of silence.

"Fools" said I, "You do not know, Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you, Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed, In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed, To the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning, In the words that it was forming.
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls." and whisper'd in the sounds of silence.




I sometimes hope that I could not hear anything, so that my world will be peaceful.
I sometimes hope that I could not talk, so that I will not say anything wrong or say something hurtful to people.
I sometimes hope that I could not feel, so that I will not be sad and disappointed.
I sometimes hope that I could not see, so that I will not see all the tragedies and dramas happening around me.

But the world is so wonderful, I do not want to miss the chance to enjoy the beautiful world because of the small, little annoying, disappointing stuffs happening around me. Somehow, you will just get so fed up with the things that happens again and again to you.

At that time, I will choose... to be in the world of silence, where no one will realize it.



xOXo




Monday, February 7, 2011

Second breakdown

is what I am facing now.

Somehow, things will just happen out of our control. The terrible feelings are back again, feelings that I fear the most. I thought it is just simple, but it is complicated to the others. And that leads to making me confused and afraid. I already have enough. I do not need it no more, seriously.

I really had a hard time fighting with my inner self. I keep telling myself that I am not wrong, I did not do anything. But there are voices in my head saying that I am the cause of everything. Please stop whispering those words to me. GO AWAYYY!!

I know I am going to get over it soon, real soon. That is what I hope. I do not want to get drowned anymore. It is hard to gasp for air. I am done with this. I know it is ending soon. Yea, I am done.



p.s : I have no choice but to trust you.

p.p.s : Somehow, I find it hard to trust you now.

p.p.p.s : Martini, please! Thank you.



xOXo



Monday, January 24, 2011

Finally.

The day that I hope it will arrive faster, but also hope that it will not come, has finally arrived.
The reason for hoping that it will not come - I do not want to face the cruel facts that will disappoint me, cause I have faced it a few times.
Reason for it to arrive faster - I am curious. I wanted to know how far did it bring me after putting so much effort, time and money in it.

And all I know, God never fails. :)
Before this, things did not go the way I expected it to be. And to be honest, I did lost faith in Him. I remembered how much I used to pray and ask Him to let me get through it, but things just got messed up.
I went on working, studying, taking exams, went back working again, on and off for a year.
Some of you might think, it was such a waste of time. Yea, it was, I did think that way before too. But looking back to what I have gone through during the time where I was no where, I think it was worth it. Walking on rocks is not easy, but I have really learned a lot, I mean a lot. The road makes me a tougher and wiser person.
And now, I have gone through the short stage where I did not want to stay for so long. I have finally moved to another stage of my life, a longer and tougher one. I know it is not gonna be easy but still, finally. And I will still go on no matter how.


Somehow, I know that God has actually planned everything for us. Failures and all means nothing but it is actually a challenge for us if you can see things from another perspective.
Just have faith and things will follow God's plan. :)

Monday, January 10, 2011

Mute

First post for the year of 2011. Hello twenty eleven.

Did you have a good start of 2011?
I bet some of you did, but some did not.
Whether you have a good start or a bad start, just live on and believe that,
the better is yet to come.

**********

I remember I met a man wearing an untidy shirt and short pants with flip flops, carrying his helmet and walked into the clinic. I was at the reception and he came to me. He put the medicine at the reception and pointed at it. I was quite pissed because he did not say anything to me. How could I know what he want? I asked him in an impolite tone, 'What do you want?'. Then only he opened his mouth and all I could heard was, 'Ah, ah ah ah'. I gulped.

I was shocked and kept quiet for a few seconds looking at him. My expression was blank. After that few seconds, I came back to myself with a friendly smile on my face and tried my best to communicate with him. But it seemed he barely could understand what I was trying to ask him, neither I understand what he was trying to tell me. We both used our own sign languages. Haha. I bet we looked funny that time. I was tired using sign language cause we still could not understand each other. Then, I thought of paper and pen! I handed him a blank paper and a pen.

I looked at him, expecting that I would know clearly what he wanted from writing. He held the pen and looked at the blank paper. He seemed like struggling on what to write, or maybe how to write. He looked at me who was full of hope. Then he looked back at the paper, the right hand where he held the pen started to move. He was writing letter by letter. I read the sentence he wrote, it was in malay. He is a chinese man just for your information. He did not write in a proper sentence. It was in broken malay and I could see only mistakes. But I roughly understand what he was trying to say and we communicated through writing. So I got to know that he came here to buy medicines for his friend.

At last, we were done. He bowed a little for a few times, thanked me for what I did. I did the same too. I waved goodbye to him with a wide smile on my face and also, tears in my eyes.
One of my colleague saw how we communicated and asked what was happening, and I told her the man could not talk. Tears almost roll down on my cheeks and before it actually happened, I turned away.



It might be nothing to some of you, but to me it really matters and I do not know in what sense.
I realized that how lucky most of us are. I learn to appreciate more after meeting that man.



xOXo