Daddy's Little Girl

Bygones.

2011-10-09T23:19:00.006+08:00

Scrolling down the page of facebook, I saw many statuses. One of them remind me about the past. That makes me recall about those silly stuffs and ridiculous ones I did which I thought that I would never feel regret doing them that time.

I tried to forget about the matters, but sometimes they will strike you back. I wish that there is a delete button in our life, just to delete those stuffs and those people that I wanted to forget.

Oh wells, there are too many things that I feel regret in my life.
But there is nothing much I can do now.
All I can do is just move on and let bygones be bygones.
And also, appreciate what I have now. :)

Everyone has their past and it is just a waste of time thinking about them since we are not living in our past. Present is the life we are living in. :)

Of course, if there are great and happy memories in our past, there is no wrong to think about them and cherish them now and also, in the future.

Time to move on. Bygones are bygones.

Cheers! :D

p.s : Thanks for the memorable memories. :)))

xoxo

Blah.

2011-10-05T21:36:00.004+08:00

All these while, I have been patient, respect everyone, trust those that can be trusted, you know, hoping everything will go fine and the world is at peace.

I dislike being the issue, that is why I tried to stay neutral most of the time.
I dislike making people angry, that is why I tried to make people happy and annoy them in a funny way, so that when they are lonely one day, they will think of the silly me and smile. :)
I dislike explaining sometimes as the truth will just hurt everyone, that is why I said nothing all the time.
I dislike unwanted attention (not the kind of attention you are thinking), that is why I seldom tell others what is in my heart.
I dislike bringing troubles to anyone, even my to my dearest, that is why I always say no no, it is okay, no worries.
I dislike letting others know when I am really sad, that is why when people ask me whether I was okay, I always tell them, I am fine and give a smile on my face, which is not from the heart.
I dislike people judging my statement just like that without knowing the real story, that is why I always tell them in face, know the real story before you judge it.
I dislike people misunderstand me with their own judgments but there is nothing much I can do as that is their own problem, that is why I do not give a damn and go on with my life.

All these are just so so random. Oh, and the new layout with the tomatoes background too. Haha.. I wanted my blog to have a new look but I did not know what to do with it. I was obsessed with tomatoes weeks ago, and so you know what happened when I saw the picture.

It is October now. My final is near, very near. That is the time when I die or live. There are so many things to read up and to do. :( I hope the motivation is in me all the time but it seems like it is leaving, and coming back, leaving and coming back to me again. Can't you just stay in me, pleaseee? I have wasted a lot of time today. Sigh.. I hope this will not happen again.

Time to stay away from the social network, which is hard, but nothing is impossible. :)
But of course, I will visit it occasionally, just to update myself with the things happening around me. Ahh, time really flies huh. And I realize I always say the same thing whenever I update my blog. Hah.

Goodbye for now. :)

p.s : You understand everything but not me, yet.

xoxo

Alone

2011-09-09T16:15:00.004+08:00

Standing alone in the 22nd floor balcony, looking at the city, it was like being surrounded by mist. (It is haze actually)
Seeing millions and billions, uncountable drops of rain dropping from the sky to the ground, cool breeze was brushing against my face.
I love the breeze, as always. Love the rain, as it will wash away everything.
And I was thinking... thinking about things that I gone through and going to get through.
I was also thinking, some little matters that made me so sad and disappointed.
And to the extent, where I felt I rather be alone.
I have gone through one small part of my life being alone. Oh wells, that was not really a bad thing.
Besides getting a bit lonely, most of the times, I still enjoyed the time when I was alone, where I do not have to think about others, I do not have to care, I do not give a damn with what others said, nor I will not be affected with what others have done to me.
Oh btw, I am a sensitive person, sentimental too.

I miss being alone.

p.s : I really do.

xOXo

M.I.A

2011-08-21T21:43:00.004+08:00

It seems like I'm missing in action and I've abandoned my blog for centuries.

I could still remember the day which I posted my last blog post - 44 days, since I was in the busy city. But now , it has been almost 4 months since I was here. There are 3 words for this - time really flies.

For those friends who don't know my situation now, I just wanna let you guys know that I'm doing great here. :) Just that assignments are really making me crazy now. Don't really have time for anything else. After assignments will be the time to prepare for my exams. And there goes another year. Again, time really flies.

Can't really write much here, cause I'm just slacking. I still have 2 more assignments to go, one's due date is this coming Wednesday! Ahh, I still have lots to do. :( By hook or by crook, I have to finish up by tomorrow. What? Are you kidding? Geeezz, talk to my hand.

Have to get back to my assignment, if not somebody gonna slit my throat. I really hope it is a more interesting question. Goshh, the one I'm doing now is really dry.

Gotta go peeps, and I will surely come back soon, if I have the time. :P

p.s : Ahhh I miss my 'chingu-chingu'! Especially you. Let's meet up soon. We've a lot to catch up. :P

p.p.s : Everything is changing.

44 days

2011-05-17T18:41:00.004+08:00

It has been a month plus since degree life started.

It is neither long nor short, but tonnes of things happened just in this 44 days.
In some matters, I choose not to care so much, not because I do not care, but it is because I really care. iykwim. All I want is everyone to be happy, simple isn't it? But it is hard sometimes. And I do not think it sounds simple now. Somehow, after going through ups and downs, happiness seems to be arriving. I hope life will be peaceful, without worries, at least for the accommodation thingy. Oh wells, looking at the bright side, the bond seems to be stronger. I am loving that. =) Thanks girls.

In this 44 days, I meet people from all walks of life. There is so many things that I did not know till now. I discovered lots of new things. Experienced things that I never experience before. And I guess this is how stages of life change a person. Changed to better or worse? It depends on the people we are mixing with but of course, it depends a lot more on ourselves.

There are some decisions I have to make, important ones, which is so hard for me to decide. Sometimes, I tell myself, it is just a decision, a yes or a no, left or right. What makes me so hard to decide? I am not afraid of anything but the only thing I am afraid of, is making the wrong decision which will involve other people as well. It is totally fine if it is only me to bare the consequences after making the wrong decision, but not the others to bare it. Gahh, I hate this so much. But in the end, decisions have to be made. I hope I will not choose the path that has dead end.

There are so many things which happened out of our expectations. Enjoy every second of our life and appreciate everyone around us. You will never know what is gonna happen the next second.

I am looking forward to the rising of sun every morning because it is telling me that a brand new day is here again.

p.s : I hope I am ready for it.

xOXo

Whatever

2011-04-08T03:48:00.004+08:00

It has been a long long time.
After so long, I thought I have some space to breathe. But somehow, it just seemed like it is never ending. I could not breathe.

I tried to gasp for air. I failed. I tried and tried again.
The result was the same.

Oh wells, I am used to it now, living life failing to gasp for air. No big deal for me. And oh, there is a reason behind why I failed to gasp for air.

By the way, daddy's little girl is going to school again, after for like N years.
New environment, new friends, new housemates, new lecturers, new college, everything is new except... the old me.
The old me that do not feel like talking when I am emo, the old me who like to observe, the old me who will get crazy and noisy, the old me that is... well, there is still a long list to go.

Have been through ups and downs. Erm, down most of the times. I wonder when I will go up again.
Most of the times, it is the small little things that make me feel very disappointed. I mean very very disappointed. There is nothing much I can do. Keep telling myself not to be like that, but it is really hard. I could not control my feelings, I am gonna be so effed up by myself. I could not even say a word when I open my mouth. So forget about it. Keep them all in the safety box, alright girl?

I am just being emotional, again. Blahhh.

Hello blogspot by the way after some time. :P

p.s : It is because the air is not clean anymore.

p.p.s : Whatever.

xOXo

Update, soooon.

2011-02-22T01:31:00.003+08:00

I have so much to think, so much to say, so much to act.
I need some time to figure out everything, figure out what is on my mind.
Oh yeah.
But I do not have much time to say them now.
Yea, I need to figure them out first.
What a messy mind I have.
Gahh.
I need to get things settled, I need to.
I am gonna update myself soon, I hope.

p.s : Love watching the scandal.

p.p.s : I do not want to break my circle.

p.p.p.s : Just ignore me. I am invisible, as always.

xOXo

Dream a little dream of me

2011-02-14T01:35:00.001+08:00

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"
Birds singin’ in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me

Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you’ll miss me
While I’m alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I’m longin’ to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Yes, dream a little dream of me.

Just a random post. It's a jazzy song btw. I love this song.
Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day!

p.s : It is just another ordinary day to me but it reminds me about something. :)

xOXo

Think straight

2011-02-09T23:58:00.004+08:00

is what I am telling myself to do now.

I tell myself to believe in myself, but I don't.
Now I don't know how much longer I can hold on.
Although the night is long, the sun will rise.
And someday my wound will get well.
I don't have enough confidence to overcome this by myself.
I hope it helps now. I hope God helps me, please.

Don't know what am I saying? It is not your problem.
Just that I have been living in my own world lately. Hah.

Highlight of the day : When I finally decided to cut my hair short and have the guts to go to the saloon, sat down on the chair, took off my glasses, got ready everything, the hairdresser refused to cut my hair. How awesome.

xOXo

Sound of silence

2011-02-08T21:29:00.003+08:00

Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping, Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain,
Still remains, within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone, Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'neath the halo of a street lamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night, and touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw, Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening,
People writing songs, that voices never share.
And no one dared, Disturb the sound of silence.

"Fools" said I, "You do not know, Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you, Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed, In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed, To the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning, In the words that it was forming.
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls." and whisper'd in the sounds of silence.

I sometimes hope that I could not hear anything, so that my world will be peaceful.
I sometimes hope that I could not talk, so that I will not say anything wrong or say something hurtful to people.
I sometimes hope that I could not feel, so that I will not be sad and disappointed.
I sometimes hope that I could not see, so that I will not see all the tragedies and dramas happening around me.

But the world is so wonderful, I do not want to miss the chance to enjoy the beautiful world because of the small, little annoying, disappointing stuffs happening around me. Somehow, you will just get so fed up with the things that happens again and again to you.

At that time, I will choose... to be in the world of silence, where no one will realize it.

xOXo

Second breakdown

2011-02-07T20:06:00.004+08:00

is what I am facing now.

Somehow, things will just happen out of our control. The terrible feelings are back again, feelings that I fear the most. I thought it is just simple, but it is complicated to the others. And that leads to making me confused and afraid. I already have enough. I do not need it no more, seriously.

I really had a hard time fighting with my inner self. I keep telling myself that I am not wrong, I did not do anything. But there are voices in my head saying that I am the cause of everything. Please stop whispering those words to me. GO AWAYYY!!

I know I am going to get over it soon, real soon. That is what I hope. I do not want to get drowned anymore. It is hard to gasp for air. I am done with this. I know it is ending soon. Yea, I am done.

p.s : I have no choice but to trust you.

p.p.s : Somehow, I find it hard to trust you now.

p.p.p.s : Martini, please! Thank you.

xOXo

Finally.

2011-01-24T22:06:00.003+08:00

The day that I hope it will arrive faster, but also hope that it will not come, has finally arrived.
The reason for hoping that it will not come - I do not want to face the cruel facts that will disappoint me, cause I have faced it a few times.
Reason for it to arrive faster - I am curious. I wanted to know how far did it bring me after putting so much effort, time and money in it.

And all I know, God never fails. :)
Before this, things did not go the way I expected it to be. And to be honest, I did lost faith in Him. I remembered how much I used to pray and ask Him to let me get through it, but things just got messed up.
I went on working, studying, taking exams, went back working again, on and off for a year.
Some of you might think, it was such a waste of time. Yea, it was, I did think that way before too. But looking back to what I have gone through during the time where I was no where, I think it was worth it. Walking on rocks is not easy, but I have really learned a lot, I mean a lot. The road makes me a tougher and wiser person.
And now, I have gone through the short stage where I did not want to stay for so long. I have finally moved to another stage of my life, a longer and tougher one. I know it is not gonna be easy but still, finally. And I will still go on no matter how.

Somehow, I know that God has actually planned everything for us. Failures and all means nothing but it is actually a challenge for us if you can see things from another perspective.
Just have faith and things will follow God's plan. :)

Mute

2011-01-10T19:17:00.004+08:00

First post for the year of 2011. Hello twenty eleven.

Did you have a good start of 2011?
I bet some of you did, but some did not.
Whether you have a good start or a bad start, just live on and believe that,
the better is yet to come.

**********

I remember I met a man wearing an untidy shirt and short pants with flip flops, carrying his helmet and walked into the clinic. I was at the reception and he came to me. He put the medicine at the reception and pointed at it. I was quite pissed because he did not say anything to me. How could I know what he want? I asked him in an impolite tone, 'What do you want?'. Then only he opened his mouth and all I could heard was, 'Ah, ah ah ah'. I gulped.

I was shocked and kept quiet for a few seconds looking at him. My expression was blank. After that few seconds, I came back to myself with a friendly smile on my face and tried my best to communicate with him. But it seemed he barely could understand what I was trying to ask him, neither I understand what he was trying to tell me. We both used our own sign languages. Haha. I bet we looked funny that time. I was tired using sign language cause we still could not understand each other. Then, I thought of paper and pen! I handed him a blank paper and a pen.

I looked at him, expecting that I would know clearly what he wanted from writing. He held the pen and looked at the blank paper. He seemed like struggling on what to write, or maybe how to write. He looked at me who was full of hope. Then he looked back at the paper, the right hand where he held the pen started to move. He was writing letter by letter. I read the sentence he wrote, it was in malay. He is a chinese man just for your information. He did not write in a proper sentence. It was in broken malay and I could see only mistakes. But I roughly understand what he was trying to say and we communicated through writing. So I got to know that he came here to buy medicines for his friend.

At last, we were done. He bowed a little for a few times, thanked me for what I did. I did the same too. I waved goodbye to him with a wide smile on my face and also, tears in my eyes.
One of my colleague saw how we communicated and asked what was happening, and I told her the man could not talk. Tears almost roll down on my cheeks and before it actually happened, I turned away.

It might be nothing to some of you, but to me it really matters and I do not know in what sense.
I realized that how lucky most of us are. I learn to appreciate more after meeting that man.

xOXo

Goodbye twentyten

2010-12-31T15:54:00.006+08:00

I had a very different christmas this year. Was involved in a christmas drama in church. There were lots of practices which made me so tired and worned out but till the end, it was all worth it. Thanks to all the people that was involved in the drama.

You guys made this christmas a special and memorable one to me although the process was tiring and not easy. Thanks and I miss all of you!!

Looking at the calendar, do you realize today is the last day of twenty ten? How time flies.

In less than 8 hours, the year of 2010 is ending. Get ready to say hi to twenty eleven, people.

I still remember clearly what happened last christmas and now, another year of christmas has passed. I have gone through and learn a lot in 2010, ups and downs, straight and crooked ones.

It is time for new year resolutions. I am looking forward to 2011.

Time to have some new kind of life.

Happy Blessed New Year people!

xOXo

Merry Christmas =)

2010-12-19T19:02:00.003+08:00

Anyway, I found my christmas song for the year.
Fell in love with 'Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas' by David Archuleta and Charice Pempengco when I heard it through the radio.

I really wanted to put it in my blog but too bad I could not find any clean version of this song. Most of it is either singing live or the video is blocked by this country because of copyrights problem. Gahh.. So I had no choice and chose the version by Christina Aguilera.
Enjoy the christmas songs!

Oh, christmas is in less than a week time.

Merry merry Christmas people!

I seriously hope, you all will enjoy this Christmas like never before.
And after that, it is time to say goodbye to twenty ten.
Sigh, how time flies.

xoxo

Wake up please?

2010-12-19T17:50:00.004+08:00

I could not really remember what was the cause of it.
All I remember was, words that came out from your mouth hurts.
Now we barely even talk, maybe there is nothing much for us to talk now.
I wish nothing happened and we could still get along like we used to be.
But I know, it is a little too late now. We could never be the same again.
Please look at yourself to see how you have behaved all these time.
Think properly before you open your mouth.
I do not want to see people get hurt from what you say again.
And please be aware of how you express your words.

Now, I do not want to give a hoot anymore and I do not wanna care.
The more I do, the more I get disappointed.
I hope you will wake up one day and move on to be a better one.
I am not going to mention again and so a full stop is needed here.

p.s : Christmas is just around the corner!

p.p.s : Btw, it is my 100th post. :D

xOXo

Jingle bells!

2010-12-04T21:54:00.009+08:00

Can you hear the bells?

Yes, that means christmas is coming!

If you go to any shopping malls, boutiques, all those public places, you can feel that christmas is near! :D Christmas decorations, christmas trees, santa claus and not forgetting all those christmas songs gave people a christmas feeling which actually feel nice for me.

Christmas. It makes me think of many things. Some just came naturally into my mind when I heard some familiar songs. Different people came into my mind and I had different feelings. Maybe it is because I had different christmas every year with different people in different situations.

I actually kinda miss the feeling of christmas that I had few years back and I know I could not find the feeling back anymore. The only thing I could do is to cherish the wonderful moments that I had. But I will still look forward to the coming christmas, next year's, next next year's and so on.
Anyway, I hope I will have a different one some year,
a special one which I always wanted it to be. :)

And yea, I am so affected by those 'familiar' songs, mentally and emotionally.

Christmas, isn't christmas till it happens in your heart.
Somewhere deep inside you, is where christmas really starts.

p.s : Thank you for the best christmas I had so far.

xOXo

Just a short update

2010-12-03T01:11:00.004+08:00

Had been busy working lately, working over time till around 7pm these two days. It is a bit tiring and sickening at times. Who does not want to go home early after a long and tiring day at work?

And I got sick few days ago. Fever, swollen eyes, flu, slight sore throat, cough, all came to me one by one. But I am recovering, just had blocked nose at times and still coughing my lungs out so far. *COUGH COUGH COUGH*

Just a short update from me. It is time to get some sleep anyway, if not I am not going to get any better and my dark circles is going to be worse. Oh dearrr.

p.s : Don't stop it, will you?

xOXo

.

Promises

2010-11-21T15:01:00.006+08:00

I was wondering... Do you still remember what you promised? Well, I did not forget the time when you asked me the question and I happily answered, 'Yeah, sure! Why not? I would love to!'.

I was happy when I received your first text which I never expect. We just had a short chat but to me, it means that you thought about me. And... I would like to know you more.

Maybe that was not a promise. I just thought that it was and then only I realized that I was wrong. And do you know that I was waiting for your call? It is okay if you do not know, cause I am used to waiting. I hope I was not 100% wrong.

Promises. It is easy to promise but it is extremely difficult to perform for most of us. The promisor tends to forget what they promise but the promisee could hardly forget the promise made by the promisor. I would not say that I fulfill all the promises that I made but I tried my very best to perform all that I promised. No one likes people who breaks promises. But for those who keep promises, I really appreciate it. And I am challenging myself not to break any promises because I know that people would be hurt if I do. I rather I am the one to be hurt than hurting anyone else. I am not boasting or whatsoever, and if you want to think it that way, I don't give a hoot.

p.s : This is really a random post.

p.p.s : From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for those who keep their promises. You know who you are. :)

p.s.p.s : I got my blog a new song (I love it!) and a new look but did not have the patience to make it better.

xOXo

Because Tomorrow Comes

2010-11-11T22:32:00.006+08:00

See how the gently fallen snow melts in my hand.
Disappearing until nothing is left... like it was never there.

Doesn't it seem like the most important things are the most fragile one?
We can't hold onto them, they just drift away quietly.

In a corner of the universe, far far away, the two of us met by chance.
This feeling, I want to call it a miracle. And I want you alone to know.

But I'm not good at saying what I really want to say.
Wandering, searching... That's how I've lived.
Now I think I've found my one and only light.
But if I try to pursue it, it will only run away.
The future is so undecided.

While stopping along the way over and over again, we've shared smiles and tears alike.
You and I have made this journey. And that's the only truth of which I am certain.

When the rain falls, I'll be the umbrella that covers you.
When the wind blows, I'll be the wall that shields you.
And how deep the dark of the night is, tomorrow will surely come.

The flowers that bloom in spring, and the sandy beaches of summer.
An autumn evening and a sunny spot in the winter.
Although many seasons come and go, our prayer will transcend even in time and space.

Far away, in a corner of the universe.
Far away, I think about you.

I want to tell only you...
that tomorrow will surely come.

Tears dropped on the letter when she read what he wrote for her. All the memories they had was flashing in her mind. She whispered to herself, 'It is a miracle.. but why don't miracles happen again?'. She couldn't do anything but cried even harder, because she knew that there is no more tomorrow for him and for them. But she knew she has to live on for him because tomorrow comes - those were the last words that he told her.

Hold my hands

2010-11-08T21:30:00.006+08:00

I am feeling insecure and having nightmares just made me feel tired all day. And yea, I am afraid. Do not ask me what I am afraid of, cause there are just too many things for me to think about it. Gahh, mixed feelings. Well, maybe not that many, just one or two for now.

Somehow, only at this time, when I feel down, feel so hopeless, restless, I thought of Him.
And I feel so bad about it. I am sorry.

I am afraid to walk alone along this journey. Would You please hold my hand, and walk beside me? I need You to be with me so that I will feel secure and know that You will be there to hold me whenever I fall.

Here, I ask for Your forgiveness and one more thing, bring me back to You. This is what I ask for.

xOXo

An unforgettable day

2010-11-06T01:10:00.008+08:00

I have changed the song. Oh well, this song makes me happy without any reason. Ah, I feel good and young listening to this song, I mean younger.
(I am not old at all, LOL)
This song is from SHINee anyway, maybe this is the reason I feel young. XD

It is an OST, from a new korean short drama, Haru. U-know and Kimbum are in the drama! Woots! Hot hot!! Big Bang too.
I guess it will be a pretty nice one. :D

Hope the song will make your day. Enjoy!

Oh btw, I finally found what I want without any clues!!

p/s : Actually I have one, which is his voice. :)

xOXo

Right or Wrong?!

2010-11-01T01:15:00.009+08:00

Please do not think that you are right, all the time, because you are totally wrong with that.
You might think that others are wrong but it does not prove that you are right and it does not mean that they are wrong. I bet they know what is right and what is wrong, don't ever try to judge for them. Silence does not make them wrong too. They have their own thoughts in their mind, don't you ever worry about it.

Just remember one thing, we are not always right. Try to listen first and never judge too fast.

.

New world?

2010-10-30T02:03:00.004+08:00

Having lots of thoughts, thoughts that I do not even know what they really are.
Everything is just so messed up in my mind.
I don't want them to be in my mind, but they just seem to pop out naturally, without me thinking about them.

And it does not feel good, for being the nice one, all the time.
But it does not feel good either, to be the bad one, even for a minute.
Gahhh, I am so sick of myself.

I am actually tired, tired of everything.
Extremely tired, mentally.

I am not going to care things that I used to care last time.
I think it is time for me to step out of my own world, with my own thoughts and everything.
It is time to take a break and also the time to face the new world.
But I am not ready yet, for a new world.
Maybe I am just too used to my own world.
Or maybe I just need some time, to face the new real world, and to delete my own world.

And I guess, it is just time... to let go, with no regrets.

Hugs! xoxo

2010-10-14T00:06:00.004+08:00

Hugs!

I love hugs!! I love the feeling of hugging people and being hugged.

Hugs are an important expression of affection.. By hugging someone, you remind them that you care about them and support them. Hugs are easy but like we said it's not always easy. To hug you need to be friends or more, then smile at the person and hug them.
And do you know that hugs are the universal medicine?

"Hugging is good medicine. It transfers energy and gives the person hugged an emotional boost. You need four hugs a day for survival, eight for maintenance, and twelve for growth. A hug makes you feel good. The skin is the largest organ we have and it needs a great deal of care. A hug can cover a lot of skin and give the message that you care. It is also a form of communication. It can say things you don't have words for. The nicest thing about a hug is that you usually can't give one without getting one." - Unknown Author

Yeah, the nicest thing about a hug is you cannot give a hug without getting a hug!

Sometimes, in going through bad times, just a hug, it will make you feel much better.

I have a friend from national service, she loves hugs too. She knew I love hugs like she does, so whenever we meet, the first thing we do is hugging each other. Awww.. But sadly, not everyone likes it like that. Some people might feel weird doing so. Well, different people have different thoughts.

I can hug a person real long, if the person I am hugging allows me to do so. Hees.. I feel very safe and secure when I am hugged by my loved one, and oh, I am hugging him at the same time too. :)

And if you argue with your the other half in the future, although you both are very angry, just go in front him/her, and give them a big big hug. A hug is worth a thousand words. I am sure after that, whatever problems it is, will be solved, peacefully.

I would really want to do one thing if I have the chance, which is to stand in the malls or streets with a sign board written 'free hugs' and give hugs to people out there! I know it sounds a bit ridiculous to some people and that it is quite impossible to do this too, in this conservative country with not very open minded people. (Note : I did not mean everyone.)

That is all for now I guess. :D
Ah, I miss hugging wonderful people!

So there goes...

xOXo

Give thanks :)

2010-10-03T14:44:00.005+08:00

Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks unto the Holy One
Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His Son

And now, let the weak say, 'I am strong'
Let the poor say, 'I am rich'
Because of what the Lord has done for us

Give thanks.

Being able to read this, being able to breathe, being able to eat and etc,
you are a fortunate one.

There are people who are blind, but they still give thanks because they can feel and smell.

Those who are handicapped, they give thanks because they are survived in this world and be able to see the beautiful world.

There are people who eat people's leftover food, but they still give thanks because they know there are many people out there who starved to death.

And you know there are many more things that I can say, a never ending list.

In fact, give thanks every moment without complaints, because there are many many unfortunate people out there whom you never know how bad are their conditions.

Just give thanks... it is because we are blessed. :)

xOXo

Falling in love with a friend

2010-09-30T23:26:00.003+08:00

Fell in love with this sweet little song.

If you watch the music video, you can see the sweetness of both the singers. The sweet smiles that they have. :)

And in most of the relationships, they started as friends.

Hope you enjoy the song like I do. :D

Oh, by the way, it is a korean song. :P

[Translation]

Are we friends or are we dating?

These days I’ve been confusing about you, even more about me.

We also watch movies, also go for a walk.

Then I’m telling you the secret deep inside.

Our friendship is something closer than lovers.

But what should I do? I’ve grown so fond of you baby.

Before I know it, everything of you,

I’ve grown fond of everything of you.

Silently, more silently, I will come closer to you.

I like all that you are, like everything.

Even though the words “I love you” aren’t said,

Please just stay with me like this, please promise me, forever.

My heart wants to confess everything like a man.

You’d better catch my heart, you’d better know my heart baby.

The love that is more precious than love.

I want to give my all.

Slowly, more slowly, I will give all my heart.

I like all that you are, like everything.

Even though those words are awkward,

Please be there, sometimes as friends, sometimes as lovers.

“There’s no friendship between boys and girls”

I didn’t believe it back then.

No, even though we become lovers,

We will continue being even better friends.

(I will listen to you)

I will listen to you.

More than the words “I love you”,

We still, with our sweet feelings.

Little by little, starting from today.

I like all that you are, like everything.

Your hands that I took, I won’t let go.

But instead I will be by your side saying “I love you”, forever.

xOXo

When you're smiling

2010-09-30T00:03:00.006+08:00

The whole world smiles with you. :)

SMILE

Definition :

1. A facial expression characterized by an upward curving of the corners of the mouth and indicating pleasure, amusement, or derision.

2. A pleasant or favorable disposition or aspect.

It is a simple act, but sometimes takes a lot of effort.

A smile can cause boundaries to melt, hearts to warm up, and distances to reduce.

Smiles improve your appearance. All you need to do is think about how you feel about a person who is frowning and a person who is smiling – who tends to be the better looking?

Smiles make things right again and say much more than words can. If you've goofed, said something less than complimentary, feel lost or alone, or feel down, a smile can set things right again. A smile lets other people know that you're prepared to be open to them, and that you're willingly agreeing to set things right where needed.

Smiles create trust and rapport. A smile is a great way of establishing mutual feelings of being on the same level as others, whether that is one-to-one or in front of a group giving a presentation. A smile says "I'm OK, you're OK, and we're all going to enjoy one another's company".

Smiles make you feel good. Even if you're feeling a little blue, insert happy thoughts into your mind and just add that smile. The smile will trick your mind into feeling better, as endorphins are released to reduce physical or emotional stress.

Smiles make other people feel good. An open-mouthed smile is visible from further away than a frown, offering people reassurance that you're friendly. And it makes people feel better to see a smile, from afar or close up.

Smiling is a good long-term predictor of happier life outcomes. Smiling attracts health, happiness, friends, success, and a longer life.

A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. - Charles Gordy

However, a fake smile can make you look phony, nervous, or even dangerous, so don't just try to put on a smile without first practising or putting yourself in a happy state of mind.

Back to myself, I realized nowadays, I tend to smile very often when I am alone. It may sound silly and funny, but I just could not stop myself from smiling every time I think about the happy moments that I had and about to have. :D And I always get caught by my parents when I smile facing the laptop. They would find a lot of stuffs and talk about it which is offending sometimes and were thinking that I am eccentric. They think too much! Well, it is normal to smile when you are in an interesting or funny conversation with people or even read something funny and ridiculous. I am not going to care what they say but continue smiling or laughing like a crazy fella in front of the screen. And I think they will get used to it after some time. :P

I was not very confident in smiling last time, cut it short, I did not know how to smile. But I received compliments from some people saying that my smile is sweet, beautiful and etc. Wait! I am not boasting about it or whatever. I did not believe them at first because I always thought that I did not know how to smile. Slowly, I realized that you do not have to learn to smile cause it just come naturally and without you realizing sometimes. Not only mine but everybody's smile is equally sweet and beautiful! As long as you smile from the bottom of your heart. :D

When you smile, you will tend to forget all the bad things happening around you. I learn to smile during hard times and it works.
It is true. Try it. :)

Those who frowns most of the time, should start to learn smiling! :D

Keep smiling and brightens the day of the people around you!

And when you are smiling, the whole world smiles with you.

:D

xOXo

p/s : I always smile when I think of you, all the time. :D

Little ones

2010-09-20T21:59:00.008+08:00

I always get very excited when people talk about marriage, pregnancy and things that related about mum. Yea, I cannot wait for the day I be a mum and I planned to have 3 kids in the future. Many of my friends know about this, some might think that I am insane.

I have a colleague who is pregnant for almost 8 months. She is going to give birth to the baby girl next month and I am so excited about it! I always go near her to feel her big tummy, sometimes I could feel the baby girl boxing and kicking inside her mama’s wound. The feeling that I had that time was so awesome. There is a brand new life in a mother’s womb, waiting to come out to see this beautiful world. Isn’t God wonderful? :)

Few days ago, I watched a video clip which was about a mum giving birth to a baby. It was... scary. I felt like puking at first. I could see a small part of the baby head and I saw the pain on the mama's face, trying so hard to catch some breath and push the baby out from her small vagina. Oh mann, I am gonna faint. Few minutes after that, the mama knew it was time. She took a deep deep breath and push to the hardest she could. Finally, the baby was born. As soon as the baby was pulled out, the doctor quickly place the baby on the mama's abdomen. The tearing mama hold her crying baby on her arm, with her lovely husband at her side and this is the most heart warming and touching part I have ever seen. Out of my control, tears started to roll in my eyes. The mama gave me a feeling of, "no matter how hard and painful in giving birth to my lovely baby, when I heard the first crying sound from him/her, knowing that he/she born healthily, it is all worth it".

But still, some new born babies do not even have the chance to rest on their mamas' chest, to feel the warmth of their mamas' hugs, to feel the love from their parents, etc. Not because they are not healthy, but their cold blooded parents! There are so many baby-dumping cases happening now in Malaysia. Babies that were dumped in bushes, rubbish dumps, in toilet bowls, even in a river and etc. I mean, how on earth do the people have the heart to dump the lovely babies in those places?! Some of the babies were lucky, they managed to survive, but too bad, not all babies were lucky enough. Some newborn babies found dead in bushes, bitten by wild dogs and ended up not in shape. This is really sad.

So, to all the heartless people out there, before you want to have sex, think of the consequences first especially the innocent babies. A baby is a wonderful gift from God, so do not treat them as rubbish, they have the rights to live in this world and deserve a better life.

As for me, I will definitely do my best to give the kids a good life no matter what happens.

They are miracles to the papas and the mamas, and also to this world.

Don't you think so?

xOXo

To Make You Feel My Love

2010-09-13T02:19:00.008+08:00

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I can hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
There's no doubt in my mind where you belong
I'd go hungry I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

Ohhh... To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on a rolling sea
Down on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't see nothing like me yet
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
No there's nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love

To make you feel my love...

I am so madly, deeply in love with this song the first time I heard it from James' blog.
There were many singers who sang this song, but I know Kris Allen's version would be the best of all. If not, I will not be so in love.
The beautiful sound of the piano and the music, the unique voice of his, brought me to somewhere far, far away from the busy world... somewhere like paradise.
And this song will be included in my wedding song list. It will be played when everyone is on the dance floor, slow dancing.

Oh yea, in case you do not know, I am a professional in imagination. =)

xOXo

The Old Diaries

2010-09-04T01:03:00.002+08:00

I was facing my laptop that night and my dad suddenly stood beside me, handed me a piece of blank paper and a pen. I looked blankly at him.

"Sign here."
"Huh? Why?" *feeling weird*
"Please tidy up your study table, tomorrow is a holiday right."
"Hehehe. Okay, daddy." *feeling guilty and quickly signed on the paper*

Well, this means that I had agreed to clean up my messy table and if I did not do that, I had breach the contract. And I would not know what will happen if I breach the contract. Oh by the way, I am not a very tidy girl and my dad cares about tidiness a lot, this explains everything.
I finally dragged my lazy body after a nap in the afternoon to my table. I looked at it, hmm, actually it was not that messy. :P I started to clean up and put everything back in places. When I opened my drawer, I saw familiar pictures. It was the front page of my diary, my old diary. There were 3 diaries. I used to have a habit of writing diary last time and it usually only will last for months. Then when I feel like writing again, I would use a new diary and start again.

I stopped what I was doing at first, took out the diaries and started to read it.

3rd January 2005, 10.45pm. Weather : cloudy.
Dear Diary,
I am not happy today. Something bad happened in school. ............

As I was reading page by page, I giggled. I did not know why did I write those ridiculous things in it. I recalled events that I did not even remember it happened especially in lower secondary school. And I knew how rebellious I was last time. Everyone has their rebellious period. :P

I continued reading the second diary, after finishing the first one. When I read it and realized that this was the one that I wrote about the times when I fell in love. I wrote about almost everything that happened and the true feelings that I had. The things we did, the things we said before were flashing in my mind. I could not stop smiling thinking back of what happened even though some were sad, but most of them were sweet and happy of course. :) After reading everything, I realized that I was so crazily in love back then, love that was pure and innocent. I could feel the feelings I had before, feelings that could not described by words. How I wished I could find back the feelings again which I know, is difficult.

All of us are grown up now, and things tend to be different. We think differently, act differently and speak differently. I do not think I can still have love that was pure and innocent in real life, because I am getting matured year by year, so are you. But there is one thing that I believe I can have forever --- true love, which is somewhere out there, waiting for me. :)

Ah, I was so lazy to continue what I was doing, so I just simply stacked up my stuffs and tadaaa! Mission completed! I went back to face my laptop until my dad stood behind my back again, handing me the blank paper with my signature on it, showing me the 'not satisfied' face. I stared at him innocently, and put a wide smile on my face, showing him the 'mission completed' face. =D And so, the night was full of his nags. *yawns* :P

xOXo

The Angry Daddy

2010-08-26T20:56:00.005+08:00

The clinic was so packed early in the morning. People just walk in and out of the clinic, just like a shopping centre. Well, this clinic was a bit extraordinary because it does not sound like a clinic. Usually, the environment of a clinic should be quiet and calm, giving the patients and staffs there a peaceful feeling. But this clinic is like a market, or even worse. Everyone starts to speak louder every time because they could not even hear themselves. Sometimes, it is very hard to stand those environments.

There was this man, carrying in his hands his 1 year old little son to come and consult doctor that morning. The staffs all were busy doing their jobs. Patients sitting in the waiting hall, some with patience and some without patience, waiting their names to be called. I was so busy walking here and there, answering phone calls and did not realize the man was there. I usually will notice if there were babies who came along with their parents, because they are way too adorable for me not to notice them.

After some time, I finally notice the baby boy in his daddy arms whose his daddy was standing in front of the counter there, with an angry expression on his face. He started to make noise, asking why the nurses were not calling his name after asking for a special permission to see the doctor first. He raised his voice till every staff just stopped their work and looked at him. I was one of the staff who had to face his questions since I was at the desk and I did not know what actually happened. He started to scold us and continue saying that, "You don't seem to understand! My boy is a special boy, I can't wake him up once he is asleep!" in a very rude way. He kept repeating the sentence, "You don't seem to understand!" with the finger pointing at us. Normal people would feel very offended. The staffs were so mad for the way of the words that came out of his mouth and the finger pointing action. Everyone thinks he was unreasonable.

After he scolded us, he turned to his baby boy and kissed him on the chubby face before he turned to us and shoot us again. In the mean time, I saw the boy. He has big eyes and he is so adorable, playing with his fist in his mouth, smiling so widely and did not know what was happening around him. And yeah, he is a bit special, in other words, he is a down-syndrome baby. Suddenly, I realized that he acted like an impolite man was to prevent people to look down on his baby boy and also himself for having a down-syndrome baby. What the man was doing was to protect his son from everything that can hurt him. But I did not look down on him and his son, so did the other people.

Well, the truth was, the nurses did call his name, for a few times. There were no answer because the daddy was at outside of the clinic, carrying the crying baby. He did not want the cries of his boy to fill the clinic which would make everyone pay more attention on them. You know the cries of a baby. But once he came in, he started his unreasonable business which made everyone so mad at him.

I was really mad at him at first, but after seeing how the angry daddy looked into his boy's eyes and kissed him, I was moved, a little. He did not care how he spoiled his image in front of everybody, he did not care how people think about him. All he cares about was the beloved son in his arms.

I forgot how mad I was, and I would not blame him for what he has done, even though he was very rude.
He is a great daddy, that is all I know. =)

xOXo

Just that moment

2010-08-25T23:34:00.003+08:00

Wonderful moments do not stay forever, even for seconds or a minute. Nobody will know whether it will be the same, or not in the next second. Nothing stays forever, huh. Sometimes, it is just sad to see wonderful moments just happen in that split of a second. But think back, I should be grateful it happened, even though it is just a while. It is because I know, wonderful things do not happen every second, every minute...

It was the moon that caught my attention, it is the moon that I love so much, which brightens up the whole city, the not so bright moon but a romantic one. How I wish, I was at the top of the mountain that time, enjoying the moonlight and the shining stars with my loved one. But the moon that I love changed, changed back to the ordinary one, which is not special to me anymore after a while. I was naif, thought it will still be there, unchanged. After I know that wonderful moments do not stay, it was too late.

And I realize one thing, is that wonderful moments really do stay, even forever, but only in my memories. The moon can still brightens up the dark nights, like the sun brightens up the days but the only difference to me is... the moon is always there with us, no matter it is day or night.

xOXo

Back for Good?

2010-08-20T01:02:00.004+08:00

It has been ages since I updated my blog all because of no internet connection and... do not have any inspiration, maybe? Fine, I will cut it short, I am lazy. Laziness can really kill a person's life, future and everything that is related. I hope I can chase it away from me and to be a determined person.

Things got so rocky in my life in the past few weeks. There were so many things undecided and I really did not know where to head to. Only a few know what really happened to me. All I can say is, everything did not go the way they should go and I did not expect that to happen to me. Not only on a particular matter but it is all about work, relationships, friends, studies and other emo stuffs.

Thank God, with the help of few people, things slowly to get resolved one by one, but not all. Still, I am grateful to those who helped me and encouraged me. My future seems to be so blur, but I know I got to move on, since I have chose this path at the very beginning. And I know He has planned everything for me and I shall have faith in Him.

On the other hand, I could feel that I do not belong to somewhere, somewhere that I thought I belong there. This really makes me feel bad sometimes and I am indeed disappointed. Maybe things have changed, you changed, I changed and everyone changed. I really thought of going some other places, where everybody does not know me and start a new foundation. New life brings new hope. :) And I hope I will find somewhere that I really belong to one day.

I need a change in me so badly. I should have said, 'I must and can do...' instead of 'I hope I can...' and I shall do things before anyone asks me to do so. I must learn to be more determined, disciplined and patient. Not forgetting, I can make the word 'lazy' to disappear in my dictionary!

But I just want to let you know that, there is something that will not change, something between you and me. :)

xOXo

Problemo me

2010-06-29T00:11:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, I really don't feel like giving a hoot on what's happening. I will have the other side of thoughts, thinking what am I going to do next, blah blah blah. But they lived like there's nothing happened and I was wondering what the heck was happening just now. I did not know what and how to response. All I can do is to hide in the box and stay there until I can see the lights. And sometimes, I'm wondering whether the problem is in me. Maybe, it is.

7 Years of Love.

2010-06-02T19:00:00.003+08:00

We met for 7 years.
No one knew we would say goodbye like this so easily.
However we still separated.
With the memories we built for a long time... now gone.
How did we, at such a young age meet each other? I don't even remember how.
It's difficult for us to handle the maps of our changing selves.
They said saying goodbyes are painful but I didn't even have time to feel that.
I just thought this is the way staying composed... But i cried.
Time passed and it gave me a simple yearning, different from what my mind was seeing.
At first friends, then next as lovers.
We said we'd stay as friends even if we separated.

During those 3 years spent alone, we contacted each other sometimes.
Even if I met someone else again, even I loved again,
whenever I was sad I would call you... Without a word, just tears falling.
'You have to meet a good person', I thought in my heart without any words.
I asked if you still liked me.
Without any thoughts hoping you would say it back... I know.

We had the most pure love.
Back then we thought that kind of love couldn't be done again, so we saved it in our memories.
Often, I feel a cold feeling from you.
But now I know you cannot ask anything.
'I'm getting married'...... is what you said to me.
After that, for a long time I was speechless.
Then I cried... they were your last words to me.
For the only words I wanted to hear...

was that you loved me.

I'm in (L)!

2010-05-30T01:08:00.003+08:00

Oh my gosh.
Out of a sudden, I am so so truly madly in love with him.
I never felt this way before!
Hmm, nope. Actually I did but it was ages ago.
Duh, who cares? As long as I love my feeling now.
Yeah, I know it couldn't come true, so what?
I still can dream about it.
Well, girls love to dream, don't we? XD
Awwwww... <3

xOXo

Tell Me Goodbye.

2010-05-21T12:58:00.003+08:00

Yes, he is going to tell me goodbye. Isn't he cruel? Telling me goodbye at this time?
Ah, fine. Whatever. I don't care. I don't have a choice. I could not hold him back.
Cause I know, he will be coming back to me soon. But when?
I don't know but I know he will not be leaving long, I guess.
You know I will miss you. You are my everything!
You know I could hardly survive without you by my side.
In this time of being alone, I will abandon my blog for sometime.
Cause without you, I have no inspiration or mood or whatsoever to blog.
It is just so hard to tell you goodbye.
Don't you think it's hard to tell me goodbye too, my dear?
Days will surely be lonely without you.
So, please, don't leave me so long.
I could not afford to lose you.
I will miss you. :(

p/s : Did I mention who he is? .... I think I didn't. Oppps.

xOXo

The edge and the ground

2010-05-17T23:09:00.004+08:00

Here I am, standing on an edge of the mountain.
Looking down from here, I am so far from the ground.
I wonder how long it takes for me to reach the ground.
One step forward, I will fall and reach the ground in seconds.
One step backward, I will find my path down the mountain which will take hours or days.
But I am not going to take one step forward or backward.
Cause this is where I am now.
I want to take this time to enjoy the view and the refreshing winds on the edge of the mountain,
to see the creation of God which is so wonderful.
These wonderful creations will not remain here forever.
It is just like the wonderful and happy moments will not remain forever, too.
That is why I am learning to appreciate.

And it's time to get to the ground.
Which way will I take?

xOXo

The Fact

2010-05-16T22:45:00.006+08:00

I never ever thought that it will happen to me.

I did feel a little bad when I got to know that it happened to others.
But I never felt this bad when I knew that it happened to me.

I did not want my feelings to affect others.
In another words, I dislike it.
Therefore I smiled, pretending nothing happened.
And I tried to get myself busy doing things, talking with others,
so that I could have my mind out of that particular matters.
It was tiring, but I could do nothing about it.

Somehow, when the dark arrived, they came back to my mind.
I lied on the bed, looking at the cloudy sky, wondering where were the stars,
and also with the thoughts running in my mind.
My eyes were too heavy till I did not know when did they closed.

And there goes my nightmare again.

*
*
*
*
*

The sun shines and strikes my eyes.
It is time for me to wake up again and say goodbye to my dreamland.
There goes the day time after having breakfast and lunch, maybe a short nap after that.
Then, it is time for dinner and the dark to arrive.
Another brand new day just ended like that.
Here am I lying on the bed, looking at the cloudy sky through the window,
wondering where are the stars and with the thoughts running in my mind, again.

And I guess... it is time to accept the fact,
the fact that will remain secret... for now.

xOXo

Consecutive nightmares

2010-05-15T13:26:00.003+08:00

I received a bad news.

The guy chased us all day long. It was scary. He wanted to kill us. Maybe that's the result of watching when a stranger calls alone in the middle of the night.

I woke up. And I closed back my tiring eyes.

And there comes another nightmare. Not nightmare, it was already day time, 'daymare'. I could remember what happened in that dream, till just now.

It was kind of horrible and it was the first time.

Was this because of the bad news that I've received?
I don't know. I still couldn't accept the fact.

But life still has to go on.
I am learning to appreciate each and everything that I have now, especially the ones that I love and those who seems not really important to me, but they are.
........ because, anything can happen in the blink of an eye. We never know.

p/s : How I hope that was just another nightmare I had.

xOXo

Super Junior 2010 Super Show 2

2010-03-22T16:08:00.007+08:00

Back to few months ago, my sis kept bugging my dad to let her go to Super Junior's concert, but my dad refused. However, a week before the concert, she got the chance to win tickets to the concert and she won 2 VIP tickets! Oh my. Going to the concert it's what she had been wanting. How about the other ticket? Ngek ngek, I'm the lucky one who got to go with her. XD We always love k-pop.

The V.I.P tickets.

There were so many many people when we reached the stadium. Everyone was queuing up to get into the stadium. The queue was darn longg. We thought we too had to queue up but that's not what we thought. We searched for the entrance for vips, thank god there is no need for us to queue up. Then the ushers there brought us to a nice waiting room where there were foods and drinks to serve us. How nice.

In the waiting room.

Anyway, I could only describe the concert with two words, it was FREAKING AWESOMEE!! The stage, the lightings, the sounds, the base, the FIREWORKS, the backgrounds, the videos, etc. I was totally amazed. The SJ's member are indeed gorgeous in pictures, videos or on the screen, how then, if they were standing right in front of my eyes. *faint* The fans were shouting non-stop when their idols appeared. Cut it short, everyone was HIGHH! Yeah, me too of course. =P But not to the crazy extent. One of the fans, which was sitting in front of me cried when she saw her idol. I was like, "Is she really crying? Oh goodness.". The concert lasted almost 3 hours, only. Sigh. How I wish it was longer so that I could enjoy more. But I'm satisfied, anyhow. =)))

Dancing Sorry, Sorry.

They're melting hearts.

Kyuhun!! The hottest baby. Aww.. He was the one standing right behind me during the opening!!

Yesung, the one with a great voice and looked even more handsome in person.

Few of them, were imitating their juniors which are girls. It was funny. LoL.

Leeteuk, the leader who always with a charming smile. He's so kind. =))

Siwon, the living work of art. His muscles. *faint*

They were playing water guns at the end of the concert.

These pics are only part of it. For more pictures, they are all in my sister's facebook. But she's only uploading them now. =.=

I will never ever forget the great moments. I really really enjoyed. Aww.. I'm missing it, TONSS! I guess I should stop here. If not, I really can write pages about it but I don't want to make your eyes tired. LoL. Tata ~

xOXo

What Girls absolutely adore about Boys. (Boys will be boys!)

2010-03-03T20:27:00.003+08:00

1. Need not fear when a boy is near, because he's your best cookie jar opener!

2. The little boy in them that never grows up.

3. They can lift things, such as heavy grocery bags or us, girls for piggy back rides.

4. That strange and unique ability to be such goofballs even in the most stressful situations.

5. Boys can bring you back to earth, when your emotions are running amuck.

6. All you need to do is fill his tummy, and you'll never have to worry.

7. Their multipurpose shoulders which look great in shirts, make good pillows in the cinemas and hankies when you're in tears.

8. Boys are excellent cockroach killers! (except for my dad. oh never mind, he's not a boy anymore)

9. They will never ask how fat they look in those pair of pants.

10. How small your hands look in theirs.

11. It's awesome how they never seem to notice a bad hair day. (unless you point it out)

12. That amazing practical outlook that makes impossible situations seems doable.

13. The way they smell. Maybe not after a basketball game, but like after a shave! *sniff*

14. How they love protecting us, even if it's just from a busy street.

15. Those attempts they make at fixing things around the house.

16. The comfort of their arms that can wrap around you so nicely.

17. The look they've got when they're in love. <3 *tear*

xOXo

Working Life

2010-02-27T16:59:00.005+08:00

I said I wanted to quit my job, but I failed. Guess I was soft hearted. That is one thing I hate about myself sometimes. Anyway, I didn't fail completely. My boss tried to make me stay by asking me to help out on certain days in a week. That's a good thing too despites only study at home which will definitely bored me out.

This is my first time working by my own out there in the society which I have not experience before. I was looking for a temporary job and went for interview for the first time in my life. I did not expect my current boss to hire me cause she was looking for a permanent worker. But few days later I received a call from her telling me that I'm hired.

I was nervous and kind of exciting on the first day of work. There was no one I know there. The place and the people were stranger to me. I once felt like I was an alien to them. Most of the ladies working there are young mothers and some elder ones. Only a few one or two of them are like my age. I was the youngest there. The first few weeks was kind of hard to get through. Not really hard though, just that I was doing my stuff, they were doing theirs and I seldom talk to people there, minding nobody business but our own business. Slowly, after a month, I started to get close with all my colleagues and started to know who they are.

I really like and close with some of them, although we have age gaps. I thought everyone is nice to everyone there, I thought. There were so many matters going on there actually which I did not know. Yeah, gossips. It happens everywhere, school, colleges, workplace, etc. I happened to know later, when someone treats you good, it might not be a good thing because that's only on the surface, you never know what is really happening underneath the water. That is what happened at my workplace. The person might be very nice to you in this minute, but after she turns her back in the next second, she might be talking bad and complaining about you.

There were many kinds of people there. I did not know who to trust. Maybe I should trust no one but only myself because I do not like the feeling of being betrayed. No one likes it. Anyway, my colleagues do treat me nice (I do not want to think more than that) and so I treat them nice. I do not want to know what's actually going on my back, sometimes, it is better to know less than to know more. I am happy working there, just that some people or things pissed me off sometimes. Well, that is normal in the real society.

Let's talk about the valued customers there - the patients. For some of you that don't know, I am working in a clinic. Most of the patients there are old folks. Frankly speaking, some of them are seriously very unreasonable and stubborn. I was so so mad (only in the heart) when talking to them. Anyhow, they are always right. Grrrr.. Breathe in, breathe out. Huuuhaaaaaa. They really test my patience. Fooo. Some of them are really nice to us. Seeing them, I always bring a smile on my face. They made my day sometimes. I remembered there was a grandpa, he was so cute. I gave medicine to him with a smile on my face and guess what he said to me, "You are beautiful. How I wish I were a boy.", putting his sweet and cute smile on his face that will melt people's heart. Some of the patients only know how to complain, complain and complain. It was really wasting time, saliva and energy talking to them. Well, overall, it is still okay.

It is really a good experience working. I learned a lot of things which will guide me better in my life, I guess. Anyway, I could not wait to get back to my college life. Miss it.

xOXo

Mixed up feelings

2010-02-16T21:07:00.003+08:00

The environment, the thought, the feeling of this moment, it's so familiar. It happened couple years ago but it came back again. The feeling is so mixed up that I could not describe it.

I remember the feeling. The feeling of the person that you loved had left you. The feeling of how much you miss the person that was not around you. The feeling of waiting for the person that you loved to come back. I don't have a clue why the feeling is back, but there is no one to be the person. I do hope the feeling is temporary, just temporary.

I realized that I have a new kind of phobia. I do hope to meet someone that will help me to overcome it in the future, but I know, it is not the time yet. I want to overcome it alone for now. Please don't hate me.

p/s : I know I've abandoned my blog for quite a long time. I'll be returning soon cause I've decided to quit my job end of this February. =)))

xOXo

Hello 2010

2010-01-03T01:12:00.004+08:00

New year, new hope.

New experiences, new problems.

New friends come, old friends stay.

Stay up or else you'll always be down.

Let go of the past, welcome the future with your open arms.

Think it, do it.

Know what you do, know what you say.

Do things with no regrets, but don't you do it if you think you'll feel regret.

Don't hold back or you'll forever regret.

Past is only the past, the future is always giving us hope.

The worst is to come, the best is to come.

There's nothing we can do, but do our best in our life.

Treat people well, people will treat you well.

Learn to love yourself first, before you love anyone else.

Appreciate every moment, as you don't know what will happen next.

Thank God for everything that happened, no matter it is good or bad.

Because everything happens...... for a reason.

When you...

2009-12-18T21:42:00.002+08:00

When you called, I did not know how should I feel.

When you were standing in front of me, I could not believe that it was true.

When you looked into my eyes, I could see my image in your sparkling eyes.

When you smiled, I really wanted to tell you how sweet was your smile.

When you were playing around, I felt confused because I was not sure whether you mean the things that you had said.

When you were talking, I was listening, trying to remember each and every word that you had said.

When you were silent, I doubted, because I could not read your mind.

When you sighed, I felt bad because I did not know what was really bothering you and that I could not help you out.

When you were angry, I smiled through my heart, hoping that it would flush away your anguish.

When you were sad, my ears and shoulders were always at the standby mode and I would give you the warmest hug ever to make you feel better.

When you were serious, I was afraid there was something happened that could change us.

When you were right by my side, I felt so regret that I did not appreciate the moments.

When you were far away from me, I realized that I missed you and I could not tell how much I had been missing you.

When you were always on my mind, I tried to keep myself busy so that I did not have time to think about you.

When you were not beside me, I really hoped that I would always be in your mind, at least once every minute.

Does Love really matter?

2009-11-19T22:18:00.001+08:00

Based on the question above, what’s your answer?

I took a long time to think about it, and what’s my answer? You will know soon.

I have seen or heard of many real life stories about relationships. Some did melt my heart, some made me think very hard.

Why do people get into a relationship?

Is it because they love each other?

Or they get into relationships because they do not want to be single?

Maybe it is a must for us to find a life partner and have our own family?

Someone told me that, in a relationship, love is not the issue. When I heard that, I was like… what? Didn’t people get into relationship because they love each other? I was dumbfounded and I thought deeply about what she said. After all, she was not completely wrong. You see, some people get into a relationship then they finally get married, believing that they will live happily ever after. Later on, they have kids and family of their own and so on. But unfortunately, something happened between them. It is sad to say that the feeling of love that they had has vanished. However, they are still living together under one roof, sleeping on the same bed (maybe separate ones), living their own lifestyles, doing whatever they want without caring their another half and only communicate when it comes to the issues of their children. Some of them choose divorce as a solution to this problem. In this case, it has shown that love is not the issue anymore in a relationship but responsibilities.

On the other hand, for the people who are in relationships, of course, they do hope to be together forever. But what if breakups happen? Actually what really cause breakups to happen between couples no matter how long both of them have been together? Is it because they don’t love each other anymore? Or the girl could not stand the bad habits of the guy? Or one of them said they are not meant to be together? Maybe the guy has fallen in love with another girl. There are so many answers to this. Everyone has their own answer. But the question I was thinking is, why love couldn’t remain the same throughout the relationship, hold both of them together tightly and prevent any party to get hurt? I am confused. Love is complicated.

Whatever it is, it is love that brings the two persons together. And I bet everyone that is in love will have great and memorable moments with their loved ones, and will endure every moment no matter it is difficult or easy together.

Actually, it is your choice whether to make love exist between both of you until the end. You yourself have to make effort in it. I believe love is strong and it will conquer all.

Nevertheless, I know that there is love which is everlasting. It is the love from our Father in heaven. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” – John 3:16.

So, does love really matter?

My answer is, yes, it does really matter to me.

Life in the Island

2009-11-11T11:05:00.004+08:00

After I ended my national service officially, I was busy checking out in educational fairs. I really did not have a sense of direction at that time and I went to the fairs just because I knew I had to. I did not know where to head to, did not know what things were really about, did not know what course to take, totally in a blur case. I did not really remember how things go but somehow I just signed up for the a-level course in KDU College (don’t ask me why because I did not have a clue how I end up signing up the course. Weird huh?) and I was informed that class is starting in less than a week time when I signed up. I was like… what?! I did not really have a good rest after the national service and there I had to leave again. Sigh. Anyway, the decision made was quite sudden to me but I had no choice.

And so, on the 28^th of March 2009, I was brought to the sort of beautiful island, Penang by my parents and my uncle. After having breakfast with them and bringing me to the hostel to settle things down, they just left because they were in a rush, leaving me alone behind in this new and strange place. Of course, I was kind of afraid as I was a stranger there where I had to start things all over again, and yes, it’s again. And I know nobody there that time. I was totally alone. The first week here was superb hard to get through, it was like I had been here for months although it was only a week. By the way, the studies here was not that easy though.

I still remember for the first few weeks here, I only had Gossip Girl series as my companion. Haha.. ‘They’ were my darlings! I did not know how I could survive here without them at that time. Slowly, I got to know some people here. Indeed, not all the things go well for me at first. There were some problems happening in my hostel. There was theft in the room I was living in. That time I was completely pissed off with what was happening because I’m one of the victims. I put my ass off the other stuffs that did not really concerned about me and which was so effing idiot (I don’t know what other words to use). I’m not minding other people’s business in this house not because I’m selfish or whatsoever but if you knew what actually happened, you would not want to care about it too. So I just be good and same to everyone. And this made me survive until now.

However, I did meet some really good and nice friends here though. Most of them are my classmates. I got really close with them like no others, especially my dears, JNJ (you know who you are =D). I really thank God that I met them here. Life would be not the same without them. After going through up and downs, the happy and the sad moments, the hard and the easy, and instead, everything with them, I have a strong bond and chemistry with them although the time we know each other was not that long. And now, I still could not believe that we will be apart from each other REALLY soon. I hate saying goodbyes. But we are still going to keep in touch right? Anyway, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you girls. You all really made my life here and I would like to apologize if I have done anything wrong or maybe said something that hurts and made you pissed off. Thanks for accepting me for who I am as your friend, thanks for being such wonderful friends, just thanks for everything and lastly, thanks for leaving such a good and beautiful memory in my mind. I will cherish every moments that we spent together. You girls are my besties ever! Muackz!

Tomorrow, 12^th of November 2009, I will be leaving this place. For good? Hmm, I am not so sure about that then, it depends whether things go smoothly or the other way round. I really do hope that everything will go fine. And I realized one thing, time flies without waiting for you, like the flowing river and it will never turn back.

I will just keep the good memories in my mind, throwing all the bad and unhappy ones into the sea. Ann-yeong, Penang and people.

A Night to Remember

2009-11-06T23:21:00.008+08:00

Had a great night out Ronald & Tsu Lim, and not forgetting my dears, Nora & Joanne. =)

It's really great to meet this couple here. They are very nice people. Thanks for the sharing of your great love story which I love it so much. Thanks for sharing the story of your life and of course, the treat for our dinner. Haha.. I enjoyed the food very much.

And I sure will miss you guys much when I leave penang. Wish you guys all the best. Can't wait for 111111 to come! LoL.. Don't worry, I will not forget to save 20 cents a day from now. Hahaha..

......

2009-10-30T22:50:00.003+08:00

Hey peeps, thanks for the concern. My dad has already discharged from hospital for your information.

After the war between my dad and the sickness, I could sense that he has really change a lot. He is not so close minded, unlike last time. My dad told us that he nearly died when he was admitted to ICU. That's really freaking me out. Thank God that He made things go right and saving my dad's life too.

Anyway, I just left two more papers to go which I only have less than 2 weeks to stay in penang. Woa, time really flies. Seven months pass just like that. I'm sure gonna miss the people there, especially the special ones and the someone. Sigh.

Alright. My next post will be about my life in penang i guess, so please await and i'll be back soon. Gotta go, people. Adios~

It's painful!

2009-10-19T20:32:00.005+08:00

Seeing him in the hospital’s green clothing, lying on the bed, hardly to breathe, suffering from terrible headaches most of the time, sweating all over his body, his hands filled with needle holes and with his pale face, my heart aches. It really hurts.

My dad was not feeling well when I was back at home last week. Before I went back to Penang, I told him to consult the doctor if he still not feeling well and I even asked him, would it be dengue fever cause that was the thing that came into my mind based on his situations. But he said he did not think so.

I went back to Penang to sit for my paper and I got to know from my mum that my dad was not feeling well since last week, having fever and headaches. He went to hospital and checked and he was confirmed that he was having dengue fever. But the hospital did not allow him to get admitted to the hospital saying that my dad’s situation was not that serious yet. They made him to go back to the hospital every morning to have blood check. Until the day when I was on my way back home which was last Friday, I got a phone call from my sister saying that my dad had admitted to the hospital. Of course, I was kind of worried.

I thought dengue fever is not that serious but I was wrong when I saw my dad. He was still okay in the first two days, just having fever on and off and having terrible headaches and the doctors asked him to drink more water. But somehow, it got worse. I was so shocked to see him wearing the oxygen mask and saw some machines beside him when we went to visit him yesterday. The doctor told us that water got into his lungs and because of that, he has difficulties in breathing and that’s why he needs the oxygen mask to help him to breathe easier. My heart nearly stopped when I saw his situation and tears were in my eyes. He wrote on the bed telling me that his close friend who passed away last few years came to disturb him and that really scared me. I asked him not to say stupid things.

My auntie who is a nursing sister said that my dad is in a critical stage of dengue fever and asked us to pray more for him. She even asked her church people to pray for my dad. Thanks, auntie. More relatives came to visit him and told us this and that. I was wearing a smile on my face when they were talking to me but deep down in my heart, I ……

My dad has actually gone through quite a number of surgeries compared to a normal people. I still remember for the first time ever he dropped his tears in front of me when I was still in primary school when he had to undergo quite a high risk surgery that would made him could not walk for the rest of his life if the operation was not successful. Thank God the operation was successful. But for now, he is still suffering so much and I just got to know from my sister that my dad has changed to ICU after I went back to the island. My heart aches again. I do not understand why He wants to make him suffers that much.

I have to leave my dad to go back to the island to sit for my exams. I am sorry for not being there for you, dad. I could see my mum was taking good care of him but mum, you have to take care of yourself too, okay? I realized that I did not really go near my dad and do things for him not because I do not care for him but I am afraid that I could not take it when I see him suffering like that.

Daddy, I miss your voice, your jokes (even though it is lame sometimes), your laughters, your stories, etc. So please get well soon and be strong, alright? Home is so quiet and it means nothing without you. Oh Lord, please take away all the sickness from my dad and take good care of him, I beg You, please.

Life

2009-10-08T20:17:00.005+08:00

There were so many things running in my mind one night. I was terribly distracted by the things in my mind. My mood was ruined by the thoughts. My eyes were getting heavier. Tears were in my eyes. My heart was as soft as a fine glass, it was almost cracked. I could feel that my whole body was getting weaker, I could not even stand strong on my feet. I felt like trembling down that moment and I was so afraid that I could not hold on anymore. I kept asking myself, what happened?

I bet some of you did experience before the situation above. Neither you nor I could tell the reason why. Did you ever wonder why did u feel like that? Well, maybe that is part of our emo life. As you can see, there are ups and downs in our life. Of course, everyone wants ups in their life more than downs. But sad to know that somewhere in this world, there are people whose life is full of downs. Did you actually know that you can choose whether to have ups or downs in your life? Yes, you can. Your life is in your hand and it is your choice whether to have a good life or not.

Sometimes, the little problem you were facing which you thought that was a big problem was actually a tiny mini problem if you think at a different perspective. Some people even choose to end their one and precious life because of the so called ‘big’ problems they are facing. I am not blaming them but hey, look at the world, there are so many people out there who are struggling to live but they just could not. How sad it is.

Every time when I flip through the newspapers, I could see many news about accidents and tragedies happening which has cause many people losing their life. They did not even have the chance to say goodbye to the world. I could not imagine how the victims’ families would feel especially when they were happily waiting for their loved ones to come back home but they could not make it and would not be able to go back home, forever. I hate to read all these news but sad to say there are news like that every single day and one person is losing their life every single second. Sometimes, I just do not understand, why God allow all these tragedies to happen, why is He making people losing their loved ones? I have no idea why but I am sure He has a good reason for it.

The point is, sometimes when you feel like breaking down, it is not the end of the world but instead, it is the beginning of a new chapter of your life. Whether you want it or not, you are going to learn something new from it. So, appreciate your life please, people. =)

Sorry for being emo anyway. Okay, I have to stop crapping here. Next week is my finals and I should not be blogging, like now. Haha.. I know it is exam period now, so good luck people in your whatever exams and may God bless you guys. I guess I will really be abandoning my blog until my finals end.

Good things always await you at the back.
So please do await for my return. =)

XoXo

Out of Service

2009-09-27T21:14:00.002+08:00

Sorry, this website is temporary out of service.
We will fix it as soon as reasonably possible.
It will resume until further notice.
Please be patient.
Thank you.

The Management.

Tick tock

2009-09-14T14:07:00.003+08:00

It's going to be end of September 2009 in 2 weeks time. Whoa, time flies. That means my trial and my major exam are just around the corner. I could still remember the first day i stepped into this small island of the country where I knew no one, and was a stranger on the island. Today in two months time, I'll be at home, saying ann-yeong to the small island, and also missing my beloved friends and lecturers that I met here. Well, I could say that there is no life in this small island without them.

Going to have a week break next week which is the raya holiday week and my study break at the mean time. AHH?! Trial is just less than 2 weeks away? You must be joking. Oh no. And the craziest thing about my trial is :

1 day = 4 papers
1 paper = 1 hour and 30 minutes = 3 essays (30 minutes for one two-paged essay)
That means, on that particular day :
4 papers = 1 hour and 30 minutes x 4 = 6 hours
4 papers x 3 essays = 12 essays
The conclusion is I have to write 12 essays in 6 hours time.
This is crazy, really really crazy.

There is so much to write and so much to remember and I'm wondering if I can finish everything on time. Oh well, I want to have a better memory but how? I have just 250gb of memory but the things I have to study is much more than that! I think I have to buy one external hard disk. Haha. I know it's not funny. =.=' Okay, nothing much to say now. Gotta go search for my external hard disk.

ann-yeong shi-ro yeo

Death was so close

2009-09-05T21:19:00.003+08:00

After the class today, Joanne and I was wondering where to have lunch. The canteen in college was closed today, nearby didn't have anything to eat as it was already late in the afternoon. Well, at last we decided to go to prangin mall to have lunch at sushi king. After taking a bus, there was still a distance that we need to walk to go there. As we were walking, we walked pass the big bus station, we talked happily at the same time too. We were walking behind the buses and out of a sudden, the bus we were walking behind suddenly reversed! I was very near the bus and when I realized the bus was actually reversing, my reaction was to use my hand to cover myself up. You can imagine that. The bus was reversing quite fast and it actually knocked my hand. I could really feel the ohm. Thank God I was fast enough to avoid from being really knocked down by the bus. Joanne was dumbfounded. All I knew that her heart was beating very fast. This came so sudden and we both did not know how to respond. So we just walked away and head to where we planned.

When we were having our lunch, I was thinking, thinking a lot. If it wasn't my hands, the bus will knock me on my head and body. If we were one step or one second behind, I think we will end up under the bus. We might get injured or to the worst, lost our precious lives! In that split of second, I thought I would get seriously injured or maybe die.

I thought I will never see the sun rise and rose again.
I thought I can never breathe.
I thought I will never have the chance to see my beloved ones and tell them I love you.
I thought I can never get to meet the one who's meant for me and my future little kids.
I thought I will not have the chance to be a dedicated wife and mother.
I thought I can never feel myself again.
I thought....

There were too many things in my mind that time. I did not dare to think again.

Thank God that I am breathing now and also I am able to see things around me. Nobody knows what is going to happen next. Death may arrive anytime. It is definitely a big big gift if we can wake up tomorrow from our sleep. So, do appreciate every single thing now. Do things that you should do so that we have no regrets later. Love the people around you especially your parents as you love yourself so that you will feel loved too. Hate no one cause it will only makes you suffer. Give thanks to the Lord always. Respect people like how you want them to respect you. Enjoy your life to its fullest. Less complaints from you will make your life better. Accept criticisms as they will help you to be a better person. Always think positively as you will live happier.

Yesterday is the history
today is a gift,
and tomorrow will be a mystery.

Sometimes...

2009-08-25T19:23:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I wonder who am I.
Sometimes I don't know where I am.
Sometimes I just feel like I am nobody.
Sometimes I am so confused about something I shouldn't be confused about.
Sometimes I don't know which road to take.
Sometimes I am not sure whether I'm doing the right thing.
Sometimes I don't know what am I doing.
Sometimes I wonder whether I am insane.
Sometimes I just don't wanna make things right.
Sometimes I can be very worried in this second.
Sometimes I can feel free in the next second.
Sometimes I think I am in love with you.
Sometimes I think I hate you.
Sometimes I hate myself.
Sometimes I love myself.
Sometimes I feel like I'm in a deep and dark hole.
Sometimes I just feel that I'm on top of the world.
Sometimes I feel I shouldn't be saying this.

Well, it is just sometimes in sometimes.. =)

Beware

2009-08-19T17:49:00.002+08:00

Many snatch thieves cases happened around my college these few weeks. It's scary. Well, actually it's not just happening around my college, it is happening everywhere in every minute. Oh goodness.. Why is this all happening in this world? It's okay to lose your handbag, money and important stuffs in it, you can get it back. But it is totally not okay if you lose your life over this, you cannot get your life back.

As you know, there are cases where the ladies who were snatched lost balance or whatever that make them fell and knocked their head which made them unconscious and some even dead. Kids lost their mothers, parents lost their daugthers, husbands lost their beloved wives because of snatch thieves. This is so so sad. Why on earth do those heartless people do all these kind of heartless stuffs? I really don't understand.

So, ladies, please beware. You might be the next victim. Who knows? Nobody knows. Prevent to walk alone and it is better if you don't bring a handbag when you go out. I know it's hard for ladies for not bringing handbags but try, please. Guys have to beware too, you thought heartless people will only rob ladies? You are wrong.

Just be careful, people.

God's Creature have Feelings

2009-08-13T15:39:00.009+08:00

Love and Sorrow...
Swallows : Here his mate is injured and her condition is fatal.
She was hit by a car as she swooped low across the road.

Here he brought her food and attended to her with love and compassion.

He brought her food again but was shocked to find her dead.
He tried to move her... a rarely-seen effort for swallows!!

Aware that his sweetheart is dead and will never come back to him again, he cries with adoring love.

He stood beside her, saddened of her death.

Finally, aware that she would never return to him, he stood beside her body with sadness and sorrow.

Millions of people cried after seeing these photos in America and Europe and even India. The photographer sold these pictures for a nominal fee to the most famous newspaper in France. All copies of that edition were sold out on the day these pictures were published.
And many people think animals don't have a brain or feelings??

You have just witnessed Love and Sorrow... Felt by God's creatures.

* This is an email I received. Just feel like sharing it with you. I got touched by these pictures. How about you?

My Kind of Boy

2009-08-11T17:40:00.004+08:00

Wohoo.. at least there's something to cheer me up. Thanks Joanne for the tag! Haha..

Now, here's what you're supposed to do, and please do not spoil the fun. Copy and paste this into your blog post.

if you a guy- post this as my kind of girl.
if your a girl- post it as my kind of boy.

1.Do you need him/her to be good looking??
Good looking huh? I'll say it is all depends on feelings, not the looks.
Don't you tell me you want to marry a very good looking guy but in fact you don't really love him? Nonsense!

2. Smart?
Hmm.. I guess so.. =P

3. Preferred age?
Elder than me of course, a year or two or maybe three will be better.

4. Preferred height?
One head taller than me? I want to be at his shoulder height so that i can easily lean my head on his shoulder. Hees..

5. How about sense of humor?
I don't want cold jokes. Haha..

6. How about piercings?
Well, all those singers that I like have piercings and they really look nice on it.
BUT I prefer my boy not to have one.

7. Accepts you for who you are?
Duh.. If he doesn't, that's not my boy. Cruel huh?

8. Pink hair?
Eeewwww.....

9. Mushy or no?
I love mushrooms. Haha!! Just joking, cause mushy sounds like mushrooms to me.
Well, yes but not 24/7, maybe 12/7?

10. Thin or fat?
Not thin not fat.

11. Black, Brown or White (skin color)?
Langsat colour.

12. Long hair or short hair?
Short hair.

13. Plastic or metal?
I will choose metal cause plastic destroys the earth. Haha..

14. Smells good?
Well, everyone has their own definition of smells good.
It might smells good to you but not for me.

15. Smoker?
TAK NAK!! I dislike smokers!!

16. Drinker?
Not kaki botol then okay.
Not easily drunk cause he has to carry me home, put me on the bed and make sure that I feel better if i'm drunk. Haha!

17. Girl/Boy-next-door type?
What do you mean?

18. Musically inclined?
That will be better.

19. Plays piano?
Yeah, I would love him to play some love songs to me.

20. Plays bass and/or acoustic guitar?
I prefer electric guitar if not then acoustic.

21. Plays violin?
OMG! I just love the way he looks when he's playing violin.
*imagine yun jihoo and henry lau playing violin* STUNNED!!

22. Sings very good?
No need VERY good i guess. If he doesn't sing well, he'll play the piano and i'll sing. Hahaha..

23. Vain?
I prefer a humble one.

24. With glasses?
Why not?

25. With braces?
Braces is just a temporary thingy.

26. Shy type?
Shy? Oh no..

27. Rebel or good boy/girl?
100% rebel - Neither me nor my parents are going to like it.
100% good - Don't you think I'll be bored, all the time?
Therefore, 50% - 50% would be just nice. =)

28. Active or passive?
Not too active - if not he will not have time for me, right?
Not too passive - if not others will think that i give no space for him and his world has only me which is a big no no for me!! I don't like guys that will only listen to their gfs and I dislike girls who are demanding to their bfs!

29. Tight or bomb?
Huh? Btw, I don't really like my boy to wear tights or have a bomb hairstyle. hahaha..

30. Singer or dancer?
Singer and ballroom dancer.

31. stunner?
What say you? hehehe..

32. Hiphop?
Not really, I am kinda old fashioned.

33. Earrings?
The piercing question has included it.

34. Mr/Ms. count-my-ex-girlfriends-until-you-drop?
Duh, no no no.. ISH..

35. Dimples?
Dimples? sweet and cute. hehe..

36. Bookworm?
I love to stare at him when he is reading, don't you find that moment amusing? haha..
But not to a bookworm extent please.

37. Mr/Ms. love letter?
That will be very romantic of him. I love it! haha..

38. Playful?
Not too playful like a naughty little boy.

39. Flirt?
Not with other chicks of course! LoL

40. Poem writer?
No idea.

41. Serious?
Only the time he is supposed to be serious.

42. Campus crush?
Huh?

43. Painter?
Hmm.. whatever.

44. Religious?
Of course! He must love God and fear God too.

45. Someone who likes to tease people?
Not really. I don't like teaser.

46. Computer games geek? Or internet freak?
Neither one! If not he'll only have time for his computer.

47. Speaks 20 languages?
Haha.. as long as I know what he's talking and he knows what i'm talking.

48. Loyal or faithful?
Loyal + faithful = Ideal one : )

49. Good kisser?
Yeah. =P

50. loves children??
Of course! That's a sign of a loving daddy which I desire in my future husband. hahaha..

OH NO!!

2009-08-11T16:12:00.009+08:00

Oh my goodness! The AS results were out yesterday! The one who always get good results in our class got only C-C-C. WHAT? Oh God.. and most of the people i know they failed. WHAT? That's only AS.. omfg!

I didn't even dare to think what will I get in the future. AS+A2 at the same time? Oh no.. Guess what I get? I got nervous shock!! Hahaha... Who should I sue for that?

Plaintiff - Cheong Junie
Defendant - XXXXX

Well girls, you have a new case to study on the nervous shock topic - Junie V XXXXX (2009).

Hahahaha...

Haihz.. I really don't know where to start my revision. There is too many to study but too little time for me. ARRGGGHHHH!!!!

time is ticking..
time time is ticking ticking..

Come on.. there is no time for you to scream, no time for you to cry also. You can hear it from the Big Bang's song, time is ticking, time time is ticking ticking. Forgot its title.

Well well well.. nothing much to say then.
Have a nice day peeps..

RISK

2009-08-02T16:52:00.002+08:00

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool.

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out to another is to risk involvement.

To expose your feelings is to risk rejection.

To place your dreams before the crowd is to risk ridicule.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To go forward in the face of overwhelming odds
is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken,
because the greatest risk of all is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing,
has nothing and is nothing.

He may avoid suffering and sorrow,
but he cannot learn, he cannot feel,
he cannot change, he cannot grow
and he cannot love.

Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave.
Only the person who risks is truly free.

Home

2009-08-02T01:33:00.002+08:00

I'm back home.
I just love the feeling when I'm back home.
Missed home =]

Of course I miss the midnight beach too.
Miss the wave sound, miss the breeze and miss the people too.
I can't wait for the next planned beach outing.
Hees..

Again and again

2009-07-29T12:23:00.002+08:00

Had business test yesterday and I found myself wrote out of topic when the time was coming to the end. Feaces! (my lecturer said girls can't use the s**t word. lol..) argghh... Shhoooottt!! Darn it!! Oh man!! Oh goodness!!! What else can i use to express my anger huh?

Chill baby chill.. It's not too late to realize anyway. Think on the bright side, you made a mistake so learn from it! Don't repeat it then it will be fine. =) Thanks, soulmate. Hahaha..

I lost my pendrive last week. Oh gosh, notes and pics are all inside! *heartbroken* I wasn't sure that I misplaced it or dropped it anyway but I'm very sure I put it in my bag. I thought it will be gone forever. Btw, I was having a bad bad dream when I was taking a nap after class yesterday. Dreamt of horrible things that I forgot what was it.

Whatever it is, bad things just happened. I'm not going to say in details, just a summary. I found my pendrive and things I lost in my roommate's drawer. She stole my stuffs. I was so afraid I didn't know why. Don't you feel the same if you are living with people like that? It's so insecure. Btw, this is not the first time. Last time was a different person, now another one pulak. Aisshhh!! She asked me not to complain but I think I have no choice. I'm sorry but you should know the consequences if you steal things.

Didn't really sleep well last night + nightmares + troubles = pimples coming out. OH NO!!

I miss my home. Guess I'll be going back this week!!! Can't wait for it!

Obsessed

2009-07-25T22:17:00.006+08:00

Derek Charles is a hard working man, employed as a asset manager in a
private company. He is very happy with his beautiful wife, Sharon, and only son, and because of his hard work he just got a huge promotion. But suddenly he gets a temporary worker who is both attractive and smart, and Derek is understandably impressed with her and also finds himself physically drawn to her. However, this new girl is desperate to get close to him - at any cost.

Watched this movie yesterday. A great movie I would say. To me, this movie is even worse than a horror movie. Anyway, had a great time out yesterday. Phew..

Thivyaa is leaving me alone. Gonna miss her lots. I felt so uncomfortable without her beside me when sleeping. No one's gonna quarrel with me, no one's going to wake me up, no one's gonna play masak masak with me. Aikz.. Will be all alone where there's no one i'm close with.

p/s : Keep reminding yourself about the reason why, please.

Hard Time

2009-07-23T14:16:00.003+08:00

Well, believe me or not, I really did not do anything for my econs paper. The paper was blank. Instead of handing up the blank paper to my lecturer, I kept the paper to write my notes. hah..

Finally, I have decided to register 2 subjects only for the exam.
I hate to make decision.
So I'm not sure whether I have make the right decision.

Since young, there are so many things that have planned nicely for me. I seldom make decision, usually it's my parents and others who make it and I'll just follow.
This time is different, I have to make my own decision, no one is there to decide for me. When I look back on my past, suddenly I feel so old. So I'm telling myself, hey, you are not a little girl anymore, you have to make your own decision, choose your own way, no relying on others already. Looking back everything that I've done, I'm not sure whether this is all that I want. I don't know. I'm just so lost and confused.

I hate to grow up. I hate to stand out of my comfort zone. Why can't I just be a kid forever, being pampered and loved by parents and everyone else? Yeah, I know I'm talking nonsense. That's impossible. All of us have to grow up.

There's a parents day next month. Wow, can't believe college has parents day also. Well, I think it's for our class only. My lecturer is so worried about us that she has to discuss with the parents. Hard to find a lecturer like that nowadays. So she just called up our parents and informed them about the parents day. For those who couldn't make it, she'll just tell them on the phone.

No exceptions, she called up my parents. I don't know it's unfortunately or fortunately, it was my dad who picked up the phone. I called my parents later at night and asked my dad about what my lecturer has told him. Cause you know, I'm always late for class and was hoping that my lecturer not telling him that. So he told me that he didn't really understand about what she's talking about my studies thingy. Here's the part of the conversation.

" You don't really get what my lecturer tell you about my exam thingy? Then I ask her to call you again tomorrow and tell you, okay? "

" No, you don't have to. You know your own situation, I cannot decide for you so you have to think and make decision for yourself ok? And your lecturer told me that you are always late for class and day dream in class. You seems like throwing money in the ocean only. Now that you are a big girl already and you are not here with me, I couldn't control whatever you're doing. So you know yourself okay? I don't want to say much. You should know. And about how many subjects you taking, you decide yourself k? "

"Okay daddy. "

Tears was running down my cheeks when I heard what he said. I didn't want to continue the conversation anymore because I didn't want him to know I was crying. All these while, I always pretend to be strong in front of my parents and also everyone else. I hate to let people know that I'm crying.
By the way, my dad didn't raise his voice. That was so surprised for me. Last time whenever I was late for school, he would start scolding and yelling at me. But this time was totally different, he said it so calmly and he has no intention to scold me at all which made me felt so terrible, extremely terrible. I can hear how disappointed he is. I hate to make my parents sad. You'll never know how bad I felt.

Daddy, you know my weakness. You know I will not listen if you scold me.

I'm sorry to make you sad and disappointed, daddy.
I'm so sorry for not going to class punctually.
I'm so sorry for not paying attention in class.
I'm so sorry for everything that I've done which is not pleasing to you, daddy.
I couldn't promise you anything now but I'll try my very best in doing everything okay?
Same to my mum too.

It's time for me to grow up.
I don't want to let people especially my parents down, again.
At least, don't let yourself down please, Junie.

when everything goes wrong

2009-07-21T16:42:00.005+08:00

I was late for class today, one hour late. wow. It's not that I couldn't wake up, it's because I don't feel like waking up and going to class.

Tomorrow going to have econs test. I have not study, at all, seriously and honestly. Whenever I opened up my notes, nothing gets into my mind at all.

I'm sick of it.
Really sick of it.

Sometimes...
...it is sucks to wear a smile on the face when you feel bad and terrible.
...it is sucks to pretend that everything is okay when it is not okay at all.
...and it's totally sucks when you don't know what is real the problem you are facing where you just feel so terrible.
...I just hate myself for everything.
...I'm tired of being who I am.
Well, it's just sometimes when everything seems like going wrong.

I need a break.
If not I'll really break down.

I hope that I can go to a place,
far far away from here,
where there's no troubles and disturbance.

Well, I just need to cool down and stop thinking or using my brain I guess.

Sometimes, I wonder I'm stressed or maybe, TOO relaxed.
That sounds funny, huh.
No one can give the answer except myself.
But I'm so sorry to say I have no idea at all.

I need a hug.
A big big hug from me to my teddy.
*HuGsSs*
Oops, should be my pillow anyway.
I left my teddy in Ipoh. =(

Miss you, teddy!!

Wish me luck for exam tomorrow. Guess I'll just tembak. Btw, it's not MCQ. I wonder how will I shoot. Maybe a blank sheet will be passed up.
OH NO!!
JUNIE, you are DEAD!!

Wedding Plan?? I'm tagged.

2009-07-19T01:04:00.005+08:00

Tagged by Joanne Ooi.

1. How old are you?
18 years old, 3 months and 16 days.

2. Are you single?
Yeah..

3. At what age do you think you'll get married?
I don't think but I want to get married at the age of 26 or at least err... 27? If only I can meet the man who's meant for me in time. Aww...

4. Do you think you'll marry the person you are with now?
I told you I'm single. Duh..

5. If not, who you want to marry?
I want to get married with a man who is... Wait! Did you just ask who I want to marry but not the type of guy I want to get married with? Hmm.. I don't know but God knows. Lol..

6. Who will be your bridesmaid and bestman?
Well, will see if only I can get married. Oh no!

7. Do you want a garden/beach or traditional wedding?
Beach of course! Something like 27 dresses when kevin gets married with ...... Opps.. I forgot her name.

8. Where do you plan to go on a honeymoon?
Bora Bora, the romantic island =)

9. How many guests do you think you'll invite?
I'll invite my family, relatives, my lovely friends, you, she, him, they and etc. Add it up yourself and tell me cause I have no clue at all.

10. Will that include your exes?
Well, by right I should invite them. Will appreciate it if they show up and only if they want to.

11. How many layers of cake do you want?
Hmm.. 3 i guess? Cause I might have difficulties in cutting it if the layers of the cake is more than 3. You know, I'm not that tall. Hahaha..

12. When do you want to get married, morning or evening?
I prefer it to be in the morning cause... You didn't ask the reasons, did you? Then I'll keep it to myself. Haha..

13. Name the song/tune you'd like to play at your wedding.
A lot. The Wedding by Julie Rogers, Love of my life(the Wedding Song), When I fall in love by Celine Dion and Julio Iglesias, Endless Love by Diana Ross and Lionel Richie, 选择 - 林子祥与叶倩文, You Only Love, Saranghamnida & 소원, 사랑아 울지마 by TVXQ and etc etc.. oh goodness.. There are too many wonderful and meaningful songs that I'd like to play at my wedding. Hees..

14. Do you prefer fine dining or just normal spoon and fork? Knife?
I prefer fine dining.

15. Champagne or red wine?
Champagne AND red wine. Maybe Heineken? Just joking, haha..

16. Honeymoon right after wedding or days after the wedding?
Days after the wedding of course! Right after the wedding will be too exhausted. I want to enjoy and relax, I mean really enjoy and relax with my future partner after everything we have gone through where there is no disturbance, at all. Not even a phone call, please, except for emergencies. =P

17. Money or household items?
Hmm... How about money AND household items? I need them both in my new family in the future.

18. How many kids would you like to have?
3! For sure. Hehe..

19. Will you record your honeymoon in DVD/CD?
I guess I will. But don't you hope to see the full part of my honeymoon! HAHA...

19.1. Baju kahwin kaler?
White, duh..

19.2. Kad kahwin?
Planned to design on our own since I was young. Ahaha.. I don't really like the red red colour one. Lol..

19.3. Wedding gift?
I'm still thinking about it actually. I want my guests to have a memorable one. (Like I'm really getting married next week, haha!)

19.4. Camera man?
Hope to have one of our good friends to be, of course he or she gotta be pro sikit la. Wedding pictures are very meaningful. I want to have them nice, really nice. =) Come on, don't say i'm leceh, it's only once in a life time, ok?? Lol..

20. Whose wedding plan you would like to know next?
Haha.. Everyone if possible. Only if you would like to share. I didn't force you to do so, ok? Lol..

Marriage is the most wonderful and meaningful thing that can happened in our life.

There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage. ~Martin Luther

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. ~Max Kauffman

The highest happiness on earth is marriage. ~William Lyon Phelps

Honestly, I couldn't wait for my day to come. =D Please don't ask me why.

Sick

2009-07-17T18:23:00.002+08:00

Having a bad flu for days.
Eyes are terribly tired.
Headache is on the way.
What will be the next?
Oh no.. please..
Don't tell me I'm getting sick.
Cause I don't wanna get sick.
Nobody wants to get sick.

Gotta go back to the place where I actually should be which is a complicated place to be in. Moving out from J's place today. Have been living there for a month.

Dear Joanne,

Sweetie, thanks so much for keeping me. Hehe.. Will miss the time we stayed together. Peanut butter, mi sedaap, yiruma, late for class together and etc. Haha.. I'm sorry if I brought to you troubles. So see ya in college.

Love,
Little J. (haha!)

Can't wait for September to arrive. Going to move out from the place and of course, trials will be there also. Oh goodness! I don't have enough time for everything.

Couldn't go home during weekneds now. Have the pengajian malaysia thingy on saturdays. 4 hours class! Darn it. I guess I'll be falling asleep in class.

Have a nice weekend, people.

L.O.V.E.

2009-07-14T02:31:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wonder what is love.

I still remember the times when I quarreled with my parents. I didn’t talk to them for months after we quarreled. Not only once, but a few times. Can you imagine how hard it was? It was years ago. That time, I hate to be in the family, because I felt that they don’t love me as they love the other two of my sisters. I hate it because I always didn’t get what I want. I hate it because they gave me no freedom. I hate it because they didn’t give me privacy at all. There were so many thousand reasons that time and I hardly could remember now. I could see how sad they were when I didn’t talk to them. I was going through a hard time too. After some time, I thought to myself, what will I get if I continue to be like that? I got nothing but only suffer. Somehow, I realized that they cared so much, it’s because they love me. From all the ups and downs I’ve gone through, I know what is love, love for a daughter from her beloved parents.

Years ago, I liked a boy and after some time, we were in a relationship. Slowly, I felt in love with him. We had gone through many things in a short time, happy moments and sad moments of course. I did lots of things that I never have done before and for the first time in my life just for him. I thought we could make it but we didn’t. I didn’t blame him for that. Maybe we are not meant to be together. But I had learnt many things from it. And he was the first guy that made me know what is love, love in a relationship.

Slowly, I realized that I’m in love when I’m exploring my life. I’m in love with my parents, in love with my sisters, in love with my bitches and friends!!

I was once didn’t know what is love.

Thanks to my daddy and mummy for giving me a chance to experience the love.

Thanks to my ex because he made me know what love really is although it did hurt.

Thanks to my bitches because they made me know there is true love in friendship.

Thanks to everyone else for loving me and giving me a chance to love you too!

Now I know what it is.

I am not going to search for love since love is all around me.

I don’t need the special one now since I am not ready for it.

I still can stand by my own because of the love around supported me.

However, I still can’t explain l.o.v.e. in words but I know it deep down in my heart.

The only thing I can say is :

“Love is not love until someone receives it.”

Super short weekend

2009-07-06T15:48:00.003+08:00

Back to the small island, again and i realized the weekend was just so short! Back at home on friday, sleep one night, then next day it's a saturday, busy the whole day, sleep one night again then when i wake up, it's time for me to leave. It's not enough for me. Awww.. But can't wait for this coming weekend cause i'm going home again!! Weee..

Happy things happened last weekend :
1. Got to see my family.
2. Got to eat my aunt's cooking. *yummy*
3. Got a new phone. finally..

Unhappy things happened last weekend :
1. Was not able to get my laptop back! Ish..
2. Didn't get to eat mashed potatoes made by my sis cause she's angry with me. =/
3. Gotta leave home.
4. Sat in the train for hours - humid & tired!

Woke up late today, therefore late for class again. Aikz.. Freaking tired!
Class starting at 8am tomorrow. What? Hope that i can wake up.
Law test tomorrow! Oh gosh. Wish me luck!

Fed up

2009-07-01T16:23:00.003+08:00

I'm fed up with some of the people here who's unkind, fed up with some of the service in the college, fed up with the place i'm living, fed up with my studies, fed up with myself sometimes. Oh God, seems like i'm fed up with everything! Goodness, i just can't believe it. But thank god there are some here who made my day, listen to my craps, get crazy together, chat together, bla bla bla. I don't have to mention your name, you know who you are, and i love you people esp you bitches! *HugXx* & *MuaXx* Thanks! Haha..

Going home this weekend! Weee.. can't wait till that day. I'm nearly broke anyway. Haha.. Finally my darling is discharged from its hospital! Oh goodness, can't wait to see him. Haha.. Have been missing him lots, man!

Oh god, tomorrow is business exam, the day after tomorrow is law test. ArrGghHhHH!! I hardly can take in anymore. Everything is so hard for me to understand! Oh no! But by hook or by crook, i have to and it's a must for me to pass because i don't have any choice.

Btw, look at your calender, today's the 1st of July. Nothing's special, it's just a normal and bad day for me but hey, half a year has already past!! Can you believe it? Time really flies! Crap, i don't have enough time for everything! Sometimes i hope there's 36 hours a day. Don't ask me why is it 36 hours but not 48 hours.

OUT I GO!!

Night so good but empty in my heart

2009-06-27T15:46:00.003+08:00

Transformers was great! A good movie to watch. Yesterday night was great except i was a little bit tired. I nearly lost my voice because of non-stop laughing and talking. Haha.. Anyway, i had 30+ missed calls, guess who? It was my parents. Oh God.. I think i'm going to get it from my parents especially my dad! He called and woke me up early this morning. Got a scold from him. I'm not mad or what, it's just that i feel so so sorry to let my parents to worry for the whole night. Dad told me that they didn't have a goodnight sleep because of me. I'm sorry.

Anyway, five of us slept at Joanne's place and five girls in two single bed. I wonder how we can sleep but we can. Lol..

......

2009-06-26T15:49:00.004+08:00

Econs exam is finally over. Phew.. But more exams are coming up! Time flies and doesn't wait. In just a short moment, the end of the year will arrive and the year 2009 will end without you realizing it. Next year will be another stage for my life. Where and what will i be doing? I don't know a single thing about it. I need someONE to guide me.

Going out for a movie night today! I just can't wait for it but i'm freaking tired. The other day was celebrating N's birthday. We enjoyed it so much! Lol.. I need a rest badly so that i can enjoy more and will not fall asleep in the cinema! Haha..

Forgive

2009-06-21T15:44:00.002+08:00

A great day! Went to wesley methodist church for the korean praise. It was amazing! Got to meet familiar faces there. Uncle Paul pulled me up to the stage in the middle of the worship. Shocked. He passed me a mic and asked me to sing along. Worshipping with the korean band was great. I'm happy cause I saw lives being touched there, thank God for that.

But somehow i felt so bad for myself cause i've been away from God for some time. I didn't want to be like that. Honestly, i missed Him, missed His touch. I couldn't stop blaming myself why am i like that. I felt so sorry for what i've done. God, please forgive me. Bring me back to You, please. I need You to guide my life, my everything. Life seems so meaningless without You in my life. I know You heard me.

I'm so disappointed with my roommate for what she has done. I'm not angry of her because she took my things away without permission, what i mean is my things got stollen. It's not the first time and i'm not angry but disappointed. God asks us to forgive. Just forgive and you'll be set free!! I know it's not easy to forgive somebody who has hurt you, who has cheated on you, etc. So, I'm learning how to forgive now because I want to be free.

You do want to be free, don't you?

Random

2009-06-21T01:02:00.002+08:00

I just love my feelings now!!
I ain't going to tell u what happened. Hehe..
Just want to tell u that u made my day. Thanks.. =)